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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Successful sport person can earn great deal of money more than the people in other important profession. Some people think this is fully justifies were other thinks it feel unfair. Discuss both view and give you opinion.

#sport #person #money #people #profession
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Some would say that it is understandable that an outstanding athlete can get paid more than those who are working in other key occupations,
while
 others believe that it's unreasonable.
Although
 many professions can be as or more essential than working as a sportsman, I believe that it takes a certain type of person to be an athlete good enough to win against other great
athletes
 Many people who work in crucial positions hold an important role in our society. They are working as hard as others. Yet
instead
, they don't get enough credit for the jobs that they do every day. As
such
, the employees are not provided with the same amount of salary as
athletes
. Take teachers for an example, a number of educators are working more hours than most
athletes
.
Therefore
 it is understandable that teachers should get the exact amount of money as
athletes
. But in
regular
Add an article
a regular
the regular
show examples
 place, you go into your workplace clock in for the day, and can just mess around and do nothing and earn the same amount of money as someone who is working hard at your job.
On the other hand
,
athletes
 have to work hard to keep in shape
as well as
 continue to practice for future competitions.
Furthermore
, many professional
athletes
 have relatively short careers
due to
 the physical demands of their sports. The high salaries compensate for the risks of injury and the limited time frame during which they can earn a living as
athletes
.
For example
, the average basketball player has a career span of only 10 to 15 years at most. For those reasons, it's expected for an athlete to be paid more than other jobs. In conclusion, despite the number of hours that people work regular jobs,
this
 essay believes that
athletes
 get paid a lot of money for them to get the best training so they can stay.
Submitted by Azami on

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task achievement
Consider using a more balanced approach in discussing both views before giving your opinion to strengthen task response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linking words and transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments, enhancing the impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear tone and outline for the essay.
task achievement
You demonstrated an understanding of the topic and presented a clear opinion, which is good for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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