IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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nowadays, many
students
Use synonyms
work
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 to support themselves.
moreover
Linking Words
, at the same time they study which puts lots of difficulty on them.
for example
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 , working late till midnight or hard labour jobs or jobs that require intense thinking skills. and, all of these working conditions can lead to a negative impact on their study results, in
this
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 essay I will explain some of the causes and the solutions to
this
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 problem.
firstly
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, it appears that some
students
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work
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 to cover their expenses.
otherwise
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,
students
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 will not be able to pay the rising cost of education. let alone the other expenses like rent, food , studying materials and transportation.
In addition
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, some study far away from home and others do not have a family that can support them with school fees, which leads them to find
work
Use synonyms
 so they can afford to learn and live at the same time.
secondly
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, I can suggest two possible solutions to
this
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 problem.
firstly
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 the government can step in to make education free for all, either from taxpayer's money or from the government budget,
as a result
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,
this
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 solution will tremendously ease the burden of many families and their children,
therefore
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students
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 can focus only on their learning.
secondly
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, online learning is a great offer with many benefits,
for example
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,
students
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 do not have to leave their homes to pay rent or altogether
work
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.
As a result
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,
students
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 can save a lot of money and
above all
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 it is affordable. in conclusion, working
while
Linking Words
 studying can severely impact student life in many negative ways, and
this
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 problem can be solved by government interventions by removing the money barrier from education or
students
Use synonyms
 can use the less expensive methods provided by E-learning.

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Introduction
Your introduction neatly outlines the issues to be discussed, providing a clear direction for your essay. Consider incorporating a more detailed thesis statement to strengthen your introduction.
Cohesion
To enhance the cohesion between paragraphs, you might consider using a wider range of linking words. This could help in making your argument flow more smoothly and logically from one idea to the next.
Supporting Examples
Your examples are relevant and support your arguments well. You could further improve by providing more specific and detailed examples to illustrate your points, particularly in the solutions section.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay's main points. For future essays, you could enhance your conclusion by clearly restating your opinion or suggesting a final thought for the reader to consider.
Language Accuracy
Be mindful of subject-verb agreement, word choice, and sentence structure to make your writing clearer. Proofreading could help identify and correct these small inaccuracies, enhancing the overall readability of your essay.
Content
You've successfully identified causes and solutions related to the issue, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic.
Structure
Your essay structure is well-organized, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization aids in presenting your ideas clearly.
'Critical Thinking
Your initiative to propose solutions like government interventions and online learning showcases your ability to think critically about the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial necessity
  • Tuition
  • Living costs
  • Employability
  • Work experience
  • Under pressure
  • Mismanagement
  • Time-management
  • Academic pursuits
  • Flexible part-time study
  • Financial aid
  • Scholarships
  • Bursaries
  • Collaboration
  • Integrated programs
  • Education
  • Work-life balance
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