IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why is this? Do you think the government should spend more money supporting the local film industry?

In the modern era, many
people
Use synonyms
 would like to watch
films
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 produced by foreign countries rather than their own country's
movies
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. There are so many reasons contributing to
this
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 phenomenon. But I strongly advocate for the notion that the government should spend more money on making local
films
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 than on
films
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 from other countries.
Due to
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 the advance of technology, an increasing number of
people
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 can access many kinds of
movies
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 in many ways
such
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 as television, cinema, and computer.
However
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, foreign
films
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 seem to be dominant in those channels. One reason that can contribute to
this
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 is that human beings have an inborn curiosity toward new things thereby they want to explore some things that they are not usually exposed to. Foreign
movies
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 contain different styles and cultures,
as well as
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 customs and languages, which seem to be interesting to viewers.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, many kinds of
films
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 ranging from cartoons to romantic
movies
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 predominantly appear in the cinema
while
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 the number of traditional
films
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 is negligible. The underlying reason for
this
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 phenomenon is that fewer and fewer local
people
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 want to see their country's
movies
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, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local film productions suffer serious losses, forcing them to withdraw their
films
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 from the cinema. When it comes to the government, I think they should address
this
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 problem seriously because local
films
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 contain traditional values and cultural heritage.
For example
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, historical
films
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 present their country's heroic moments in the past to make
people
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 in
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 era remember how their ancestors protected their countries in that difficult era. Especially, young
people
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 can feel proud of their history and tend to find ways to preserve their traditional values.
To conclude
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,
due to
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 the fact that humans always want to seek something new and modern, the local film industry
witnesses
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a downward trend in how many
people
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 want to see traditional
movies
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.
However
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, I believe that increased financial support could help to raise the quality of locally made
films
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 and allow them to compete with the foreign productions that currently dominate the market.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to fully support your points. For instance, mention specific local films or foreign films that illustrate your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This helps in maintaining the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and relevant response to the task, effectively discussing both aspects of the question.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly present the main points of the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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