Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?
A considerable number of individuals have the opinion that staying home or outside is not safe
due to
increasing crimes. However
, if the government
takes action and provides some strict rules then
it can be sorted out.
There are many reasons people are not feeling safe, which is the rising crime
day by day. That means many individuals are unemployed and drug addicted these days, and they need money for their expenses, which leads to committing crimes such
as snatching and stealing the money and sometimes they shoot others which leads to being scared by society. For example
, one-day
young adults were trying to invade my sister’s house who were clearly seen by their appearance that they must be drug addicted but they ran out after hearing the voice of her father-in-law. Correct your spelling
one day
Thus
, people feel insecure because of this
crime
either not at home.
On the other hand
, imposing strict regulations and actions by the government
can control this
crime
and people will start to feel safe. Awareness programmes can be helpful for an individual such
as the latest update about the criminals on social media and offering work to the unemployed could prevent the crime
. For instance
, if a person has a source of income, then
he/she will not need to commit this
crime
. Furthermore
, The authorities should put some strict obligations on drugs as well so that an individual will not tend to take them. Therefore
, with the help of the government
can solve this
situation and reduce this
crime
.
To conclude
, unemployment could be the main reason to commit crime
and others will not feel safe but taking some strict actions and providing work by the government
could resolve this
issue.Submitted by AP on
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task achievement
Try to clarify and deepen your analysis of the causes and solutions. While you've identified key issues such as unemployment and drug addiction, elaborating on how these lead to a feeling of insecurity at home or outside could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure benefits from having both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument cohesively. For even better clarity, consider elaborating your thesis statement and summarising your main points more distinctly in your conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively. While your essay flows logically, the use of varied linking words can enhance the readability and organization of your arguments.
task achievement
Incorporate a broader variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to develop your arguments further. This can make your essay more dynamic and engaging to read, showcasing your language ability.
task achievement
You've made a good effort in identifying key societal issues relating to safety, such as crime driven by unemployment and drug addiction, which demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your inclusion of examples, like the attempted invasion of your sister’s house, provides concrete evidence to support your arguments, strengthening your essay.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...