IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think it is the government’s responsibility to ensure the provision of good health care for everyone in the community and that each individual should be cared for by State medical programmes. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

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To begin
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 with, many people believe that
visitors
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 should follow the traditions of the host country as a sign of
respect
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. By adapting to local customs, tourists can build better relationships with
locals
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 and avoid misunderstandings.
For example
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, in Japan, bowing is a sign of politeness, and foreigners who follow
this
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 practice are often welcomed warmly.
Moreover
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, adjusting to cultural norms helps
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 integrate better into society and gain a deeper understanding of the country's values.
On the other hand
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, some argue that host nations should be open-minded and accept different cultural
behaviors
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behaviours
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. Expecting all
visitors
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 to behave exactly like
locals
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 may be unrealistic, as cultural habits are deeply ingrained.
For instance
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, in many Western countries, maintaining eye contact is a sign of confidence,
whereas
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 in some Asian cultures, it can be considered disrespectful.
Instead
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 of enforcing strict social expectations,
locals
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 should show hospitality and educate
visitors
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 about their traditions. In my view, both perspectives have merit, but
respect
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 should be mutual. Tourists should make an effort to learn and
respect
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 local customs,
while
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locals
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 should
also
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 be patient and welcoming. Enforcing cultural conformity on
visitors
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 may discourage tourism,
whereas
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 fostering an inclusive environment encourages positive global interactions. In conclusion,
while
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 adapting to local traditions can help
visitors
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 connect with the host country, it should not be a rigid expectation.
Likewise
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,
locals
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 should be tolerant of cultural differences. A balance of mutual
respect
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 and open-mindedness is the best way to promote cultural exchange.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your position or pointing out both sides of the debate. This will help provide a clear structure for your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or insights, particularly regarding how governmental programs could impact society positively and negatively. This will further strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay provides a well-structured argument, clearly presenting both sides of the discussion regarding cultural adaptation and integration.
Task Achievement
There is a good development of ideas throughout the essay, showing a balance between different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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