IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that everyone should have the right for free education. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #right #education
Education
 is the fundamental right of every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 that
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only responsible for
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 growth but
also
 plays a huge contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 development as a whole. Regarding that, a mass of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 opines that it should be available for free of cost to each and every person. I strongly agree with
this
 statement. I will justify my opinion in the following paragraphs. There are tremendous benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
 free for folks.
To begin
 with, it is evident that a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of children are deprived of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
 because of
scarcity
Add an article
the scarcity
a scarcity
show examples
 of money to pay their school fees.
As a result
, even if having abilities and skills, children don't get an opportunity to utilize it for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 development. A recent survey shows that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of students
Correct pronoun usage
who lived
show examples
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in rural areas are not admitted into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools even if having a good IQ level. In that case, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
education
 is delivered by authorities to the children, they can play a major role in developing the respective country. Another significant advantage of providing free
education
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it reduces the financial burden on parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 indirectly helps to
reducing
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 the stress and anxiety among them
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 ultimately
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhances
show examples
 their mental health. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
,
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 shows that
Countries
Change preposition
in Countries
show examples
 like Canada where
education
 is free for school students, parents feel less economic burden
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
create
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 effect on their mental health.
Last
 but not least, countries having a higher literacy rate are
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 to be more developed. In
perticular
Correct your spelling
particular
, educated people contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 enhancing
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the nation. Amalgamating all the points, I firmly believe that free
education
delivey
Correct your spelling
delivery
 has a bunch
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 potential advantages
such
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 enhancing
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 economy and betterment of mental health and
thus
oveall
Correct your spelling
overall
 nation's development.
Thus
, every county should implement
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
education
 system for their students.
Submitted by margijoshi19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, but aim to vary your sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to deepen the analysis of your points. While general observations were made, directly linking these to wider implications or specific case studies could strengthen your argument.
General
Watch for minor grammatical errors and attempt to expand your range of vocabulary to avoid repetitive phrases, which can impact the flow and engagement of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay strongly addresses the prompt, showing a clear position throughout with a detailed justification of your viewpoint. This demonstrates strong task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical flow from introduction through to conclusion, including the way each paragraph builds upon the previous, makes for cohesive reading. Your use of linking words aids this coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, effectively framing your argument and reinforcing your position at the end of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic human right
  • personal development
  • nation's progress
  • financial standing
  • economic implications
  • poverty rates
  • economic growth
  • financial burden
  • infrastructure
  • social mobility
  • disparities
  • equal opportunities
  • literacy rates
  • feasibility
  • logistical issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: