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Band 6

In some countries,many people do not have money. Discussion essay.

#countries #people #money #discussion
A vast majority of
people
 argue that governments should pay for their
Internet
 connection
due to
 the shortage of money, meanwhile, others believe that the ministry is not responsible for that.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should provide
people
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access , as it is pricey and not everyone can purchase it ,
while
 the population uses Wifi most of the time incorrectly by scrolling through TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. On the one hand, it is costly now to have an
Internet
, so the crowd is demanding free Wi-fi from the government. If you want to pay for something in a restaurant, store or market, they would ask for online payment, as in modern times no one pays in cash.
For example
, in Kazakhstan, in 2016, individuals developed an online payment called Kaspi. It is easy to use that, as the minute you can buy or order something on the
Internet
, so everyone is struggling
due to
 the cost of that.
On the other hand
, governments are not obliged to invest a large amount of money for that access.Because all individuals use it in the wrong way by spending their time on unuseful apps. If they really want to entertain themselves, they should earn capital on their own.
For example
, in 1999, in Russia, when ministers provided the city with free maps , locals started cheating by stealing
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 and selling them for money about 3-5$ to
people
 who came from other countries. In conclusion, the government should provide
Internet
 access to everyone, as it is expensive,
while
 these
people
 can use it in the wrong way like for entertainment.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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Development of Ideas
Try to develop your main points more thoroughly and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with examples or explanations.
Task Responsiveness
Ensure your essay has a clear position throughout, with a balanced discussion that addresses both sides of the argument effectively.
Use of Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly and logically. Use a variety of cohesive devices to help structure your argument and make it easier for the reader to follow.
Accuracy
Be careful with generalizations and statements that may need more evidence or clarification to be convincing.
Introduction/Conclusion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present your topic and summarize your argument.
Use of Examples
You have included relevant examples to support your points, especially with specific references to Kazakhstan and Russia, which enriches your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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