IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a 'gap year', before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
A
gap
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year
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 is something that some young
people
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 look forward to before starting work or university, seeing it as an opportunity to explore the world. But others perceive it as a waste of time and money. Both perspectives have their merits, and I will discuss them before presenting my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, taking a
gap
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year
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 can provide young
people
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 with valuable time to reflect on their future.
This
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 is particularly beneficial for those who are uncertain about which career path to pursue or which degree to choose. Since these decisions can have a significant impact on their lives, taking additional time to consider their options may help them make more informed choices.
Nevertheless
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, delaying university or employment can have certain disadvantages. Obtaining both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree can take four to five years or even longer, depending on the course of study.
Consequently
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, students who take a
gap
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year
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 may enter the job market later than those who proceed directly to university. They may
also
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 need to consider practical matters,
such
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 as securing accommodation and achieving financial independence, which could become more challenging if they postpone their education or career.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, a
gap
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year
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 offers young
people
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 an opportunity to experience new cultures and broaden their horizons.
Traveling
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Travelling
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 can be particularly rewarding at
this
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 stage of life, as it allows individuals to explore the world before taking on greater responsibilities.
However
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,
traveling
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travelling
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 can be expensive, and many young
people
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 have limited financial resources after graduating. Rather than spending their savings on
traveling
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travelling
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, they could use
this
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 period to gain work experience, earn money, and develop sound financial habits.
Therefore
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, a
gap
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year
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 may not be a realistic option for everyone.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 taking a
year
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 to travel can delay educational and career progression and involve considerable expenses, I believe it can be a worthwhile experience for those who have sufficient resources and a clear plan. Young
people
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 should take advantage of
this
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 opportunity if they can afford it,
while
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recognizing
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recognising
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 that it is not a practical choice for everyone.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view at the end. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why travel can help a young person choose a course or job. You could add one short real-life example, such as a student who works abroad and then knows what to study.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and on-topic. However, some points are quite general. Give more detail about what young people may learn during travel, for example, how to live on their own, deal with new people, or use money well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a main idea, and the ending matches your view. This makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some paragraphs mix the good and bad sides of a gap year. This is not wrong, but it can make the line of thought less direct. You could use one paragraph for the good sides and one paragraph for the bad sides, then give your own view in the last paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'Nevertheless', and 'Therefore'. Try not to use too many contrast words in one paragraph. Use simple links like 'For example', 'Also', and 'As a result' when you add or explain an idea.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain why some young people value a gap year, why others see it as a waste, and what you think.
task response
Your final view is fair and clear: a gap year can be good for people with enough money and a plan, but it is not right for all young people.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear summary of the topic and tells the reader what the essay will do.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a clear way, and the conclusion brings the main points together well.
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