IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the only way to judge someone's success in business is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of the success of a business? In what other ways could success in a business be measured?

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Many people believe that
money
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 is the only way to evaluate the triumph in the
business
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.
However
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, the achievement of the
business
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 is not only by judging
money
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 but
also
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 by many external factors.
Money
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 is the factor to estimate the
success
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 in field but not at all. To put it simply, the skills and knowledge of employees can be the factors that lead to
success
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.
For example
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, good reviews for the teachers are not the
money
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 they earn,
instead
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, they can be estimated based on knowledge, from the tests children get good points for the
quality
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 of teaching. With the exception of the
money
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, the
quality
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 of products and services is another point worth considering. Nowadays, customers tend to choose high-
quality
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 and durable usage products so companies
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the
quality
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 will attract and easily build persistence to a deeper connection with customers.
As a result
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, companies will freedom to raise the price of goods and earn a lot of
money
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 because of the loyalty of clients. Another way to get
success
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 in a
business
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 is the management of the company. To explicate, the solidary creates a comfortable atmosphere at
work
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 without discrimination, envy leads to dedication at
work
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.
For instance
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, some companies in Singapore
decide
Wrong verb form
have decided
show examples
 to implement a strategy to encourage and boost employees' focus on their
work
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. In conclusion,
money
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 is not the only way to judge the
success
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 of a
business
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. So,
instead
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 of that, people can consider the
quality
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 of products
as well as
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 control employees to
work
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 effectively.

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Structure
To further improve, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, providing clear topic sentences at the beginning. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
Language Use
Using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore, in addition) can improve the flow of your arguments.
Content
Including more specific examples to support your points will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively encapsulates your argument.
Understanding of the Topic
Your essay successfully identifies several non-monetary measures of business success, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Structure
The essay maintains a logical structure, smoothly transitioning between points, making it easy to follow.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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