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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both these views

#people #government #art #culture #activities #population
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It has become a controversial topic whether the government should allocate a budget for
art
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 and
culture
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.
Although
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 there are some logical reasons to support
this
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 idea, I personally believe that funding cultural
activities
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 can have great outcomes for society. On the one hand, it can be said that there are many sections in a nation that need the money more than
art
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 and
culture
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 do. Governments are facing a plethora of problems related to health. Medical services are really expensive and getting health insurance is not easy. To illustrate, people need a facilitated health centre with free treatments more than an
art
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 gallery or an amphitheatre. What is more, cities need to be modernized and developed to adopt the modern lifestyle. The new living patterns require a lot of changes that have not been made yet. These are some areas that can use the money better.
On the other hand
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, it is an undeniable fact that cultural
activities
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 have a lot of effects on people's lives which have been underestimated. First and foremost, they provide some situations for families to spend more time together. These
activities
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 make family bondings stronger, resulting in a healthier environment to grow. By way of illustration, a child, who goes to a movie with their parents and spends more time with them, is more likely to live a happier life.
Moreover
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, funding for
culture
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 and
art
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 helps the government to build a rich cultural society. By doing
this
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, a brighter future is guaranteed for the country.
To conclude
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, though it seems that the money which is spent on
activities
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 related to
art
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 and
culture
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 can be spent on something more important, I subscribe to the view that it can be really influential on social development.
Submitted by Nima on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of the essay, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea or argument that is fully developed and linked clearly to the question prompt. Avoid jumping between ideas without clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, work on refining them to more precisely and effectively paraphrase the prompt in the introduction and to summarize the main points without introducing new information in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Specific and vivid examples add depth to your argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response, ensure that you address all parts of the question. Include a balanced discussion of both views and your own opinion where appropriate. Expand on each point to fully convey your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and nuanced. Each paragraph should contribute to the overall argument in a significant way, and the connections between ideas should be evident.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your claims. These examples should be directly linked to the prompt and function as evidence to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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