IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
Advertisements
 are not strange to people around the world. But there are two contrasting opinions about their effect. The first one supposes that advertising plays an important role in attracting and convincing people to buy products and the other believes no one remains interested in them.
This
 essay will discuss some aspects of the two views. If it comes to the advantages of advertising,
that is
 the best way to access buyers, especially for new products or new brands. The clearest evidences are many popular brands in the world have their own
advertisements
 which became their symbols for a long time.
For instance
, when someone mentions soft drinks, almost all people will think about Coke, the reason for
this
 is not its taste or early appearance but because the images of its bottles are seen regularly everywhere. Many brands
also
 invested carefully in advertising campaigns
initially
 and succeeded.
However
, nowadays, there is a large number of
advertisements
 that are considered a nuisance. Can you imagine the bad feelings when a series of advertising videos appears and interrupts the exciting films or websites you are looking for? Those excessive
advertisements
 which don’t leave any impression are the main reason for people’s ignoration and aversion to them,
furthermore
, truly useful ones are
also
 affected significantly. From my perspective, advertising is always the best way to access customers and introduce products unless someone overuses it.
Hence
, companies should pay attention to
this
 issue to give the most effective solution for themselves.

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Detail and Example
Your essay nicely presents both views on advertising and your opinion, making it a well-rounded discussion. However, to enhance clarity and impact, consider providing more concrete examples to support each viewpoint. Illustrative examples can significantly strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure, but there could be more explicit linking expressions between paragraphs and within them to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next. Phrases such as 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', and 'Consequently' could help clarify the relationships between your ideas.
Conclusion Enhancement
In your conclusion, while you have clearly stated your opinion, you could strengthen the final paragraph by summarizing the key arguments presented. This can help reinforce your stance and provide a more solid closure.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated, effectively setting the stage for your discussion and wrapping it up. This organization aids in presenting a coherent argument.
Balanced Discussion
You've maintained a good balance between discussing the two differing perspectives on advertising, ensuring that your essay remains unbiased until your opinion is presented. This balanced approach is commendable.
Effective Example
The use of specific brands like Coke as an example to illustrate your point about advertising's effectiveness is a strong strategy. More such specific examples would further enrich your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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