Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

The youth plays many extremely violent
games
that are assumed to cause the growing threats of violence and crime in various metropolises. The writer of
this
essay insists that
such
games
can not only be used for relieving stress but
also
for bonding friendships and expanding the friend circle. Whether a child plays
games
for entertainment, it must be understood that
games
help alleviate the tension. To explain
further
, choosing to play
games
is a method of reducing the pressure faced at school as their parents no longer have enough time to communicate with the children.
As a result
, more and more
games
are played by teenagers in
this
modern age, including violent
games
, as they bring the children the feeling of conquest and satisfaction.
For example
, recent research has shown that lots of adolescents in Vietnam have played
games
such
as Free Fire and PUBG with friends for amusement. Another point worth mentioning is that playing
games
can be used with the aim of fostering friendship. What the writer means is that
games
are places in which the
players
can communicate and develop better playing skills,
therefore
the relationships between
players
can be strengthened by connecting with those who play the same online
games
. Professional
players
,
for instance
, who have been training and playing together for years can have a tight-knit connection. What is more, playing
games
will develop new relationships and extend the friend zone of
players
. To be specific, there are many choices for
players
to choose partners or rivals, even international ones.
Subsequently
, the circle of friends will be extended
while
playing online
games
. Taking gaming streamers as a prime example, who play
games
on live stream and connect with other gamers,
thus
they gain a bunch of benefits from others. Briefly, despite being criticized that violent
games
can aggravate the quality of cities, the writer firmly believes that mitigating pressure,
building
Correct word choice
and building
show examples
and creating friendship are the benefits of playing
games
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your essay, ensure that each point is consistently linked back to the main argument about violent games and their impact on violence and crime. Adding a counterargument and refuting it could provide additional depth.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing. Also, make sure that your examples are more directly tied to your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined structure with clear paragraphs, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making your arguments clear and comprehensible.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!