IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

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The world
population
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 is higher than ever before, and a large portion of these
people
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 reside in
cities
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.
Overpopulation
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 in major urban
centers
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centres
show examples
 is a significant
issue
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 worldwide, leading to a variety of challenges
such
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 as congestion, pollution, and strain on resources.
This
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 essay will discuss two main causes of
this
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issue
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,
such
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 as
migration
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 and natural
growth
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, and suggest solutions to address
this
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 problem, including rural development and family planning policies.
Overpopulation
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 in
cities
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 occurs
due to
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 several main factors. One major cause of
overpopulation
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 is rural-to-urban
migration
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.
People
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 move to
cities
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 in search of better employment opportunities, education, and healthcare. Urban
areas
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 often offer higher wages and better living standards, attracting large numbers of
people
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.
Cities
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 like Delhi and São Paulo,
for example
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, have seen dramatic
population
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 increases
due to
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migration
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 from rural
areas
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. Another cause of urban overcrowding is the natural
population
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growth
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 within
cities
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. Advances in healthcare have reduced mortality rates,
while
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 fertility rates remain high, particularly in developing countries.
This
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 natural
growth
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 adds to the existing
population
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 pressure,
further
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 straining urban infrastructure and resources. There are,
however
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, several solutions to the
issue
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 at hand. The first of them is to promote rural development. By improving infrastructure, job opportunities, and public services in rural
areas
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, governments can reduce the need for
migration
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 to
cities
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. More specifically, investment in agricultural technology and rural industries could create more balanced economic
growth
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.
This
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 would encourage
people
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 to stay in their home regions rather than
moving
Wrong verb form
move
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 to already crowded urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Another solution is implementing family planning policies. Public education campaigns about the benefits of smaller families and providing access to contraception can help lower birth rates. Countries like Thailand have successfully implemented
such
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 programs, resulting in a slower
population
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growth
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 rate and less pressure on urban
areas
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. In conclusion,
overpopulation
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 in
cities
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 is primarily caused by
migration
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 from rural
areas
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 and natural
population
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growth
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.
However
Linking Words
, through countryside development and family planning measures, governments can address
this
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issue
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 and alleviate the pressure on urban
centers
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centres
show examples
. These solutions can help create a more sustainable balance between
population
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 and resources in the long term.

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coherence cohesion
Continue developing logical connections between points. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the essay flow, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Expand on solutions related to rural development with specific examples or potential challenges. Ensure each suggested solution is thoroughly explored to show a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and concludes with a clear summary, addressing the main causes and solutions for urban overpopulation.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as referring to cities like Delhi and São Paulo, provide strong support to the main points of the essay, emphasizing real-world applicability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Migration
  • Sustainable development
  • Infrastructure
  • Population density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Urban planning
  • Renewable energy
  • Family planning
  • Rural economies
  • Public transport
  • Living standards
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational facilities
  • Employment opportunities
  • Regulations
What to do next:
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