IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows hothe UK uemployed spent their time last year.

The table below shows hothe UK uemployed spent their time last year.
The diagram compares
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in terms of unemployment in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the unemployed morning
men
Use synonyms
 were busy with
job
Use synonyms
 hunting,
afternoon
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 were busy with TV
last
Linking Words
 year.
Whereas
Linking Words
 morning unemployed and
afternoon
Use synonyms
women
Use synonyms
 were busy with
housework
Use synonyms
 . As the graph shows, morning unemployed
men
Use synonyms
 were busy with
job
Use synonyms
 hunting at 22%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least they were occupied with drinking at 2 %.
Then
Linking Words
, shopping and
housework
Use synonyms
 were at 20% and 19% respectively.
Men
Use synonyms
 who
red
Add a missing verb
were red
show examples
 and decorated were at 9% and 7% respectively. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
morning
women
Use synonyms
, the most they did
housework
Use synonyms
 at 49 %,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least they did drinking and playing sport at 1%.
While
Linking Words
 16% of morning
women
Use synonyms
 did
job
Use synonyms
 hunting,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
8% stayed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed. By
conrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
,
afternoon
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 were mostly watching TV at 14%, at least they stayed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed at 1%.The 3% of
afternoon
Use synonyms
women
Use synonyms
 were drinking and visiting
tower
Add an article
the tower
show examples
. Meanwhile,
afternoon
Use synonyms
women
Use synonyms
 were busy with
housework
Use synonyms
 at 21%, staying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed and playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at 0%.
Women
Use synonyms
 who
job
Use synonyms
 hunted and watched TV were at 13% and 12% respectively
last
Linking Words
 year.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, job, afternoon, housework with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: