IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
It is thought that
music
Use synonyms
 is a powerful tool for creating bonds among people regardless of their background and age. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because
music
Use synonyms
 is a universal language and bridges the gap between generations.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost,
music
Use synonyms
 is an international art that comprises both rhythm and melody, so it is able to integrate individuals even if they come from different cultures and languages.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was a televised program which played a piece of upbeat local
music
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 in the street and asked pedestrians to explain their emotions after listening to it. Even though most of them were tourists and did not understand the lyrics, they felt joy and happiness.
As a result
Linking Words
, language barriers are meaningless in
music
Use synonyms
, and
music
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 can foster a sense of unity and shared experience.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 styles have changed from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one generation to the
next,
Linking Words
different age groups, even those with unique tastes, can enjoy most types of
music
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2015 in Iran, a survey showed that elderly people like grandfathers often listened to traditional
music
Use synonyms
 in their private cars or at home, but they
also
Linking Words
 enjoyed the new K-pop
music
Use synonyms
 played by their grandchildren because of its enjoyable and energetic soundtracks.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, grandparents not only listened to and enjoyed modern
music
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 had the chance to communicate with their grandchildren and spend time with them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree that
music
Use synonyms
 is considered a strong tool for building a sense of unity among societies that have their own lifestyles, and it can create a friendly atmosphere between different age groups with distinct tastes.

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task response
Keep your main view clear from the start and stay with it to the end of the essay.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use small steps to show how one idea leads to the next.
content
Give a strong fact or example for each point. Make it easy and close to the idea.
language
Check grammar and small word form errors. Read aloud to catch hard spots.
content
Clear stance that music can join people from many cultures and ages.
structure
Good use of examples to show the idea.
language
Flow words help the link of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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