Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some

people

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believe in encouraging

children

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to compete with each other,

while

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others say that to train better

adults

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, cooperation would be preferred.

Although

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children

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by participating in

competitions

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get more motivated to achieve better results, cooperating makes

children

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enjoy the route rather than the destination, and

therefore

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, they feel less stressed. On one hand, rivalry makes

children

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get their tasks done more efficiently. These young

people

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under the pressure of competing with their counterparts can perform much better, and to overcome the fear of defeat, they try to do their best to achieve their goals.

Therefore

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children

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by engaging in

competitions

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and rivaling contests will derive themselves toward more success.

For example

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, in China and other East Asian countries which are well established for their high number of successful

children

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, different kinds of

competitions

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have been chronically held among adolescents.

However

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, I believe that forcing

people

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from early ages to constantly compete, would have so many detrimental effects on their mental health

due to

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increasing levels of stress.

On the other hand

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children

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would become less stressed by collaborating with their partners and

also

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would enjoy their moments. if young

people

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are taught to put their efforts into helping their partners come up with good ideas and care about the way rather than the outcome, they will become better

adults

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This

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attitude helps

children

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to have healthier mental statuses and teaches them to live their best lives.

for example

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, India has the happiest young

people

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due to

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not focusing on competition. I agree with

this

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statement because

children

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should not try to be like

adults

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and should enjoy their lives. In conclusion,

while

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competitions

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would make

children

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more successful, by cooperating, these young

adults

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would be both mentally and physically healthier because of experiencing stressors, much less than the competition-focused group.

fati.p98nWed May 08 2024

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task response

To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and that examples provided are directly related to the argument you are making.

coherence and cohesion

For a higher score in coherence, consider varying your linking phrases more to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs.

task response

Including more specific examples or case studies could add depth to your arguments, making them more persuasive and comprehensive.

task response

Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both views and your thesis statement.

coherence and cohesion

The structure of your essay, with clear paragraphs for each view and a conclusion, aids in the reader's understanding.

task response

You have successfully balanced the discussion with insights into both perspectives, demonstrating a broad understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, people's weight has significantlyincreased, while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem,and what solutions can you suggest to solve them?

In spite of many advances women have made in education and unemployment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. What are the causes of this and what measures can be taken to solve?

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?