Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
people
believe in encouraging children
to compete with each other, while
others say that to train better adults
, cooperation would be preferred. Although
, children
by participating in competitions
get more motivated to achieve better results, cooperating makes children
enjoy the route rather than the destination, and therefore
, they feel less stressed.
On one hand, rivalry makes children
get their tasks done more efficiently. These young people
under the pressure of competing with their counterparts can perform much better, and to overcome the fear of defeat, they try to do their best to achieve their goals. Therefore
, children
by engaging in competitions
and rivaling contests will derive themselves toward more success. For example
, in China and other East Asian countries which are well established for their high number of successful children
, different kinds of competitions
have been chronically held among adolescents. However
, I believe that forcing people
from early ages to constantly compete, would have so many detrimental effects on their mental health due to
increasing levels of stress.
On the other hand
, children
would become less stressed by collaborating with their partners and also
would enjoy their moments. if young people
are taught to put their efforts into helping their partners come up with good ideas and care about the way rather than the outcome, they will become better adults
. This
attitude helps children
to have healthier mental statuses and teaches them to live their best lives. for example
, India has the happiest young people
due to
not focusing on competition. I agree with this
statement because children
should not try to be like adults
and should enjoy their lives.
In conclusion, while
competitions
would make children
more successful, by cooperating, these young adults
would be both mentally and physically healthier because of experiencing stressors, much less than the competition-focused group.Submitted by fati.p98n on
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task response
To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and that examples provided are directly related to the argument you are making.
coherence and cohesion
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Including more specific examples or case studies could add depth to your arguments, making them more persuasive and comprehensive.
task response
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both views and your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay, with clear paragraphs for each view and a conclusion, aids in the reader's understanding.
task response
You have successfully balanced the discussion with insights into both perspectives, demonstrating a broad understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
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