IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
It is commonly believed that young
people
 should be asked to study full-time until they reach 18 years old. In my opinion, I completely agree that
education
 for young
people
 must be extensive to strengthen them and make them ready for university. First of all, full-time
education
 can strengthen
students
 and help them build skills in different aspects.
In other words
, if
people
 are well educated, they will have enough experience to tackle life problems later after high school.
For example
,
students
 who focus on gaining relevant knowledge in high school know how to deal with difficulties at the university.
Thus
, extensive
education
 is needed in order to get ready to face challenges in the future. Another significant reason is that full-time
education
 helps them to improve their different skills.
That is
 to say, when teenagers are busy with studying, they are developing demanded skills
such
 as public speaking.
For instance
, in Egypt,
students
 spend most of their day at school, and
for
this
 reason, they are talkative and excellent speakers.
Finally
 , full-timetime
education
 increases creativity among
students
. To illustrate, when
people
 spend time together in beneficial environments, namely schools or any educational centre, they will exchange their ideas and thoughts.
As a result
, they will be inspired by each other and expand their idea which makes them creatives.
To sum up
, in order to have an intelligent generation, the
education
 system should be modified by expanding studying hours and making it a full day.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentence Variation
Be sure to vary your sentence structures throughout your essay to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and avoid repetition. Try incorporating a mix of complex and simple sentences.
Detail Enhancement
While you provided relevant examples, try to include even more specific details to enrich your argument. These could be statistical data, specific studies, or named initiatives that align with your points.
Vocabulary Enhancement
To further improve your essay, work on a more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic. This could involve using subject-specific terms or phrases that convey your ideas more precisely.
Argument Clarity
Your essay successfully presents a clear and consistent argument throughout, showing strong coherence and cohesion.
Paragraphing
You effectively used paragraphing to separate and organize ideas, which aids in the overall readability and structure of your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction sets up the topic well, clearly stating your opinion, which provides a good foundation for the rest of your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: