IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that governments should make investment in building public libraries in every town, while others think it is a waste of money because we have access to information via Internet. Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #governments #investment #libraries #town #waste #money #access #information #internet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that there are quite a number of
people
 who are sceptical about the use of books in the digital era. Why should one allocate space and money for them if they can easily be accessed on the Internet?
While
 the above is partly true, one
also
 needs to strike a balance in
this
 modern age since
people
 are immersed in technology every single minute.
People
 are either on their phones, laptops, TVs, iPads etc., throughout the day for various purposes.
Libraries
 are instrumental in spreading knowledge, but they are more than that. They are places to store a treasure chest of knowledge accumulated over the years. In due time, they can become museums which store original editions for the use of posterity. In case of a worldwide technical blackout,
libraries
 will be most sought after.
Libraries
 are
also
 the best place for a person to be calm and focused. It helps them detox from technology, immerse themselves into the pool of knowledge and quench their thirst.
Libraries
 do offer alternatives and solutions for techies, they provide spaces where
people
 can use their gadgets
while
 accessing library resources.
Libraries
, especially in the future, will go a long way in teaching posterity about the way of life of the previous generation. Another perk is that , unlike technology,
libraries
 aren't detrimental to one's health. Health is more important than wealth is the universal saying.
Thus
, investing in
libraries
 is not a waste of money but rather a worthwhile investment.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is elaborated with sufficient detail. Your essay demonstrates a strong structure but consider adding more specific examples or evidence in some areas to further strengthen your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay is well-structured, varied connectors can further improve coherence.
Task Achievement
You successfully presented a balanced discussion, considering both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, which aligns well with the requirements of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your discussion and summarizing your viewpoint. These elements enhance the overall coherence and impact of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a coherent point that contributes to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: