IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

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It is quite conventional that, with the appearance of modern technologies, the way that most
people
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 communicate with each other has drastically changed.
This
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 essay agrees that
people
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 recently
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
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 to use the internet to exchange messages with each other than to have a face-to-face conversation
due to
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 the fact that some
people
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 find it. It
also
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 agrees that it poses a negative clout on our society. It is undisputed that there are some
people
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 who find socialising with their friends, using social networks
such
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 as WhatsApp or Facebook, much more comfortable than speaking with others in real
life
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. You can use your smartphone to contact anyone everywhere.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 recent survey indicates that about 35% of
people
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 prefer to use their gadgets to interact with others and hang out with their friends. So that already means that there is a tangible number of those who prefer social networks to real comrades.
Nonetheless
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, there is a question that some
people
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 rack their brains to answer: whether the influence of
such
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 virtual relationships with others is good or bad?
This
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 essay firmly believes that
such
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 a virtual social
life
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 has a negative effect on particular
people
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 since it leads to the inability of some to socialise in real
life
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. The recent survey, provided by the Estonian Ministry of Education, unearthed that about 55% of Estonians, addicted to virtual chatting, undergo hardships in socialising with their classmates. It only reinforces the fact that using gadgets too much may lead to serious problems. To infer, with the appearance of the new technologies,
people
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 can communicate with each other way easier than they used to decades earlier;
nonetheless
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, some of them became addicted to social networks and started misusing them, which can bring about some serious problems in real
life
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Aim for a more direct approach in addressing the essay question's specific points. Your introduction should more clearly preview your stance on how technology has affected relationships and whether it's positive or negative.
Task Achievement
To enhance clarity and impact, focus on elucidating your points with specific examples and clearer explanations. While mentioning surveys, providing more detailed findings or citing how these surveys directly relate to your argument could strengthen your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of connectors and linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve readability and cohesion throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Avoid overgeneralization by presenting a balanced view or acknowledging exceptions to your statements. This approach lends credibility to your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively organizing your ideas.
Task Achievement
You effectively use relevant social networks as examples, helping to illustrate your point about changes in communication through technology.
Task Achievement
You've made a commendable effort in engaging with the essay topic, showing understanding of the impacts of technology on social relationships.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
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