IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Test 11 task 2: For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent agree or disagree?

#test #people #reason #work #money
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In our modern era, a lot of individuals are hard-working
due to
money
.
This
write
Replace the word
writer
show examples
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 that
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 acceptance and personal demand outweigh working for fun. It must be acknowledged that having a lot of
money
 can increase their position in society.
People
 will tend to get close
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 someone who is rich rather than poor.
As a result
, making
money
 and
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 other
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 respect and
admire
Replace the word
admiration
show examples
.
For example
, Bill Gates is one of the richest
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 in the world,
people
 have great respect for him and want to meet him, every word he
say
Change the verb form
says
show examples
 will go into books and recordings. Another point worth considering
is earn
Change the verb form
is earned
is earning
show examples
money
 for self-usage. It is clear every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their own
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
show examples
,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
money
 is one major step
for
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 completing their dreams or
ambition
Fix the agreement mistake
ambitions
show examples
.
Consequently
,
money
motivate
Change the verb form
motivates
show examples
people
 to
work
 harder and harder every day and increase their
work
 performance. Some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 think that they can
work
 the job they want and
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not need
money
.
This
 might be true but logically speaking, they cannot survive without
money
, they will need and will rely on their income just to live by day not speaking of
follow
Change the form of the verb
following
show examples
 dreams or passions.
Therefore
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 just for fun might not be an ideal mindset. In conclusion, achieving
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 preference
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 society position can be more beneficial
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 enjoyment in
work
.
Thus
, they should
work
 hard to make
money

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task achievement
The essay has a clear position and mostly addresses the prompt, but it should elaborate more on key points to offer a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
The ideas are generally clear, but they need more development and support with relevant, specific examples to strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea with appropriate examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure; however, the connections between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Improving transitions between paragraphs would help improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments and make the essay flow better.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which provide a good framework for your ideas.
structure
The main points are logically organized, making it easier to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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