IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Topic: Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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In today's ever-progressing era, some individuals
belief
Replace the word
believe
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 that they can gain more benefits in education
throughout
Change preposition
by
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 paying for the full cost of their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will showcase the reasons why the writer
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
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 with the argument above. It must be understood that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial aid is the trivial factor
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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changing
human's
Change noun form
human
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 life more and more
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
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 than before.
Especially
Rephrase
In particular
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, they will have
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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access to tertiary education and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 an opportunity to
have securing
Wrong verb form
secure
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 so that the rate of unemployment is extremely low.
This
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 will undoubtedly go some way towards reducing crime as the
croot
Correct your spelling
root
 cause of crime is a lack of employment and job opportunities.
For instance
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, in many recent years, with the speed of urbanization very quickly, the higher
college
Correct article usage
the college
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 enrollment rate is, the lower
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rates are.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if the financial burden that undergraduates have to shoulder is eased, they can divert more effort and time to social and community projects that universities are frequently associated with. Take Vietnam as a realistic example, most colleges have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 charity clubs to support students who have poor
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 and difficult
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 in disaster-prone
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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repair
Wrong verb form
repairing
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 and
renovate
Wrong verb form
renovating
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 their houses. In conclusion, assistant public subsidies for superior education studies
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only
makes
Change the verb form
make
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 students themselves a better service but
also
Linking Words
 the public thanks to the decline in criminal activities.
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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction more clearly outlines your position on the topic. Starting with a stronger thesis statement will make your argument clearer from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you mention urbanization and Vietnam, more detailed examples or statistics could make your points more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs more effectively by stating the main idea at the beginning of each paragraph and then supporting it with details and examples. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Look out for minor grammatical errors and areas where more precise vocabulary could be used. This will enhance the overall readability and professionalism of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have effectively engaged with the topic and provided relevant arguments against the notion that students should pay the full cost of their education.
Task Achievement
Nice use of an example to support your point about the benefits of university education, especially mentioning the impact on crime rates and the role of charity clubs in Vietnam.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing your argument and reinforcing your stance against the idea that students should bear the full cost of their education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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