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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremly high salaries.Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that goverments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #goverments #level
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There is a debate about the high wages of
little
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a little
the little
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 amount of workers. Some say it is for the benefit of their community
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that it is the authority's duty to balance salaries
in
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on
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particular
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a particular
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 scale. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I'm going to discuss both views and draw my opinion in the end. On the one hand, the reason behind several individuals have raised incomes is because they have
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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 of high risk and they have to perform
a
Correct article usage
apply
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life threatening
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life-threatening
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 missions.
For instance
. Firefighters, Those employees suffer
their
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for their
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 life for extinguishing fire
as well as
rescue
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rescuing
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 locals from the flame. That's why they are paid much more than others in order to encourage them
keep
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to keep
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 going with the challenges they might face including long working hours night shifts
furthermore
 being away from their families and homes. Doing
such
 humanitarian work must be appreciated by increasing their earnings to keep serving their society
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 manner.
On the other hand
, many civilians believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should provide equality in payment among its citizens, by performing
this
 principle it's can be assured no differences between country members all will have the same rights No one is richer or poorer than anyone. The majority will get the same scale of money whether they worked hard or not. The living standard would be the same but the efforts would be changing
however
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
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 might lead to hatred among the community members. In conclusion, I believe it would be fair enough to give certain people bonus gainings for living to ensure their
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 sustainability at specific harmful duties.
Submitted by Selfigih7 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
You've done a good job introducing the topic and providing a conclusion, emphasizing the importance of both elements in your essay. This approach strengthens your argument's coherence and helps in guiding the reader through your discussion.
Supporting Examples
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to support your points. While mentioning firefighters is a good start, expanding on this with additional examples or data would provide more robust support for your arguments.
Balanced Discussion
Ensure a balanced discussion by equally developing both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion. Ensure that each viewpoint is explored with equal depth and consideration.
Paragraph Structure
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly by using topic sentences that directly relate to the question. This will help in making your argument more coherent and easier for the reader to follow.
Grammar & Accuracy
Be mindful of minor inaccuracies and grammar issues. While these do not significantly impact the overall understanding, improving on these would make your writing more polished and professional.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, indicating a good understanding of how to structure an argument effectively.
Relevant Example
You've chosen a relevant example (firefighters) to illustrate your point, showing an ability to link your argument to real-world applications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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