IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #technology #people #viewpoints
Most
people
 argue that technological advancements have brought
people
 together
while
 others oppose
this
 viewpoint and say that it has driven us apart. In
this
 essay, I will argue both viewpoints and give my opinion in favour of the former part of the statement. On one hand, in
this
 era of the fourth industrial revolution, where
people
 make them connect with their family members and friends through different social media platforms
such
 as WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin, etc. Nowadays,
people
 are fully equipped with a bundle of responsibilities to meet their daily needs and desires.
In addition
 to
this
, in
this
 hustle and bustle of their lives,
due to
 the presence of
technology
,
people
 usually communicate with
people
 easily by doing emails, video calls or messages , especially with
people
 who are residing far away.
For example
, in Pakistan,
people
 are living in foreign countries to get higher qualifications or do jobs where they have the Internet or modern
technology
 as the only means to get connected with their relatives or social circle.
On the other hand
, modern
technology
 limits our social interaction with
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. It restricts us to internet usage
along with
 mobile phones and laptops to exchange updates with the
people
 residing within our proximity
instead
 of physical presence on paramount important occasions.
For instance
, nowadays,
people
 just make a phone call or a post on social media to wish birthdays or anniversaries.
However
,
technology
 can send greetings to them but it does not reflect or transmit emotions. In
this
 way, it has driven us apart from our
people
. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that technological advancements have made us well-connected with
people
 living beyond the borders negating the aspect that has driven us apart.
Submitted by nida.naeem64 on

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logical structure
You have developed your essay logically and provided a balanced discussion on both viewpoints. To further enhance your essay, aim to add more nuanced arguments and complex sentence structures.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear. For improvement, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarises your arguments and restates your opinion more strongly.
supported main points
You've supported your main points well with examples. Consider integrating a wider range of examples and evidence for a more persuasive argument.
complete response
Your response fully addresses the task, presenting a clear position that is relevant to the prompt. Work on deepening your analysis to provide a more enriching perspective.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've structured your essay to express clear and comprehensive ideas. To improve, vary your sentence structure and use less common vocabulary to convey your points more dynamically.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant, but to elevate your essay, try to include more specific examples that are personally reflective or drawn from a wider range of sources.
logical structure
Well-structured, logical progression of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion, framing the essay effectively.
supported main points
Good use of examples to support your viewpoints.
complete response
Effectively addressed the essay prompt, providing a clear and relevant position.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas communicated clearly and in a structured manner.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples used to back up arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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