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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that art is an essential subject at school, while some think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many people believe that it is essential for
students
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 to engage in
art
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 during their school years,
while
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 others argue that it is a waste of
time
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 and money.
However
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, I believe that
art
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 plays a critical role in developing the critical thinking skills of individuals during their formative years. It has been observed that children who engage more in
activities
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 like dance, singing, or other forms of
art
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 tend to be more active, and their ability to solve complex problems is often better than that of those who do not participate in these
activities
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. Many individuals have made their families proud through their active involvement in singing, dancing, or acting.
Moreover
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,
art
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 helps a country preserve its traditional culture, allowing future generations to learn about
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 history.
In addition
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, many countries are known for their cultural
activities
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, which become major tourist attractions and help boost their economies.
For instance
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, Bharatanatyam in South India and Ghoomar in Rajasthan have become so popular that people from all over the world travel to witness them. Some parents believe that if
students
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 engage in
art
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activities
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, they will not be able to focus on their studies, which could lower their grades and make it difficult for them to gain admission to good universities.
In contrast
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, I believe that
students
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 can successfully balance both academics and
art
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 by managing their
time
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 wisely. Parents can help by creating timetables that allocate equal
time
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 for studies and extracurricular
activities
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.
This
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 way,
students
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 can enjoy their childhood
while
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also
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 developing skills that could potentially allow them to represent their country at an international level, boosting their confidence and contributing to their future career success. In conclusion,
art
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 helps sharpen the minds of teenagers, allowing them to avoid harmful
activities
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 like vaping, partying, and drug use, which can negatively affect their physical and mental health.
Therefore
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, the
time
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 and money invested in
art
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-related
activities
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 are more beneficial for individuals in achieving their personal and professional goals.

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task achievement
Consider adding a brief mention of the counterarguments in your conclusion to show a wider understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
In some areas, transitions between ideas can be improved to enhance clarity and flow, such as linking the benefits of art more explicitly with the challenges mentioned.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples from cultural contexts.
coherence and cohesion
Strong structure with distinct paragraphs for each argument, contributing to overall clarity and organization.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • cultural awareness
  • artistic methods
  • perspectives
  • historical contexts
  • core subject
  • career opportunities
  • practical skills
  • standardized testing
  • educational metrics
  • economic benefits
  • perception
  • value
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