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One of the consquences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantacges of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consquences #care #people #life #expectancy #advantacges #outweigh
With significant improvements in medical
care
 over the past decades, it is evident that
people
 are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. I believe that the advantages of
this
 topic outweigh the disadvantages. On one hand, Improved medical
care
 means that one can be diagnosed with a problem more quickly and can be taken
care
 of in a more effective way
while
also
 increasing their life expectancy. It could
also
 improve the quality of life for some
people
 who have been suffering from a disease for a very long time like HIV or cancer
while
also
 increasing a country's position on the happiness index. It
also
 means that doctors can rely on technology which is more precise. Improved healthcare
also
 means prescriptions and medicines which are cheaper, which could be helpful for the needy.
Moreover
, improved medical
care
 in a country
also
 boosts its economy as
people
 from around the world come for the benefits it provides.
On the other hand
, improved medical
care
 may not be affordable to the general public as new technology could require more money
while
also
 not being accessible to everyone.
Furthermore
,
people
 might not trust new technology over doctors
due to
 a lack of trust in machines.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that improved health
care
 improves not only the
people
 of a country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but the whole world and
while
 I think that the advantages of improved medical
care
 outweigh the disadvantages I
also
 think that improved medical
care
 should be free of cost or affordable to everyone like in Europe.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on specific examples to strengthen your points. Mentioning actual cases or statistics could amplify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea flows smoothly to the next. The connection between the paragraphs can be made more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure clarity in sentences. For instance, 'one can be diagnosed with a problem more quickly...' can be revised for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and generally well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • medical care
  • disease management
  • surgical techniques
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • family bonds
  • social contribution
  • healthcare systems
  • chronic disease
  • geriatric care
  • pension systems
  • resource allocation
  • quality of life
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