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Band 6

Teenage pregnancy is on the rise in many countries. Why is this? What measures are there to tackle this problem?

#pregnancy #rise #countries #measures
The number of adolescent pregnancies is increasing in many countries. There are diverse reasons why
this
 issue happens. In my view, the absence of sexual education and
higher
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a higher
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 rate of abuse are two significant things that the
government
 should keep an eye on.
By
Change preposition
In
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 dealing with
this
 problem, the
government
 should provide measures which are helpful to decrease the trouble. The reasons why the teenage
pregnancy
 rate is rising are numerous.
Firstly
, because the young lack sexual knowledge. They seldom know how to prevent a
pregnancy
 since the school
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not provide an appropriate amount of information to their students.
Additionally
, abuse is usually an important factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rise of
adolescents'
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescent'
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pregnancy
.
For example
, there is a lot of news about girls being abused by some awful guys,
such
 as their fathers,friends or strangers. It causes girls to become vulnerable and afraid to tell other people. To soothe
this
 problem, the
government
 should pass a law about punishing abusers to be more strict and severe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and provide professional psychologists to look after victims of the cases.
Furthermore
, the
government
 may collaborate with schools, colleges and other institutions to educate about sexual aspects and prevention of
pregnancy
 to raise awareness of each teenager.
Although
 providing knowledge to kids is the important thing to do, the
government
 should give information to their guardians as well since children are brought up by their parents. To summarize, teenage
pregnancy
 issue is a sensitive problem. It happens for several reasons.
Therefore
, citizens and the
government
 should cooperate with each other to reduce the rate of
this
 issue.
Submitted by rasita.pare on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples or data to support your points about the reasons for teenage pregnancy and the proposed solutions. This will strengthen your essay by showing a deeper understanding of the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to connect your ideas more smoothly within paragraphs with transition words and phrases. For example, connecting reasons to solutions more directly can help make your argument flow better.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic comprehensively, covering both the reasons for and solutions to teenage pregnancy.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your main points, contributing to a cohesive structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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