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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that meat is bad for health . Do you agree or disagree ?

#people #meat #health
In my perspective eating
meat
 is not bad for health
vice
Correct word choice
and vice
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 versa it is useful for health but it can have negative effects too so I partly agree and disagree. Nowadays many
people
 aren’t eating
meat
 and they call themselves vegetarian and they think that they are saving
world
Add an article
the world
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 or being healthy but in my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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 it’s not true because
of
Change preposition
apply
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meat
 has great sources of protein They
also
 provide lots of other nutrients your body needs, like iodine, iron, zinc, vitamins (especially B12) and essential fatty acids. That’s why lots of
people
 prefer to eat
meat
 especially men in Uzbekistan they can’t eat food without
meat
. So, many
people
 don’t eat
meat
 because it has negative sides too
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 addition, higher consumption of unprocessed red, and processed red
meat
 was associated with a higher risk of ischemic heart disease, pneumonia, diabetes, diverticular disease, and colon polyps. Higher consumption of unprocessed red
meat
 alone was associated with a lower risk of iron deficiency amenia. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 eating
meat
 has useful and negative sides too if you eat
meat
 less it would be bad for
health
Correct pronoun usage
your health
show examples
 but if you eat more it has some negative effects too so,
people
 must eat
meat
 normally
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
The introduction is relatively clear, but it can be more concise and better outline the scope of the essay. Try to state your position more clearly and briefly in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and develops it fully before moving to the next. For example, one paragraph can focus on the benefits of meat, while another focuses on the drawbacks.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Facts, statistics, or expert opinions can make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas logically.
task achievement
You have articulated a balanced view, acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of consuming meat.
task achievement
You have made a reasonable attempt to discuss various aspects of the topic, which shows a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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