n recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion?

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Although some
contend that societies promoting equality facilitate heightened individual triumphs, others cast doubt that authentic personal feats can solely arise when individuals possess the independence to excel or stumble
according to
their distinctive competencies. Both perspectives present compelling rationales, yet I believe that an environment fostering individual merits is a catalyst for substantial personal victory. On the one hand, proponents of the idea that equal opportunity enriches personal success posit that in egalitarian contexts, humans are more likely to collaborate and share knowledge, leading to a collective elevation of skill sets.
This
cooperation nurtures a supportive environment wherein innovations and accomplishments can thrive. Scandinavian countries – known for their emphasis on fairness,
for instance
, often exhibit high levels of human development and innovation.
On the other hand
, critics argue that the prospect of harvesting the rewards of one’s own efforts and confronting the consequences of failures fosters a robust work ethic and determination.
This
intrinsic motivation fuels persistence and resilience, key qualities underpinning noteworthy personal accomplishments.
For example
, the United States of America, characterized by its meritocratic ethos and entrepreneurial spirit, has produced numerous self-made human beings who have achieved remarkable success against the odds. In my opinion, impartiality must not come at the expense of stifling individual ambition and innovation. The quests for expertise across varied domains, whether in science, the arts, or entrepreneurship, thrive when a person is empowered to test their limits and fully utilize their innate talents. In conclusion, despite equitable societies fostering extensive inclusiveness, I firmly concur that it is the encouragement of personal excellence and self-governance that truly kindles the flame of remarkable individual attainment.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with an introduction and conclusion that encompass the main ideas. However, to enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that the progression of your ideas is logical and smooth.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points are generally supported, yet the arguments can benefit from more concrete examples and evidence. Aim to incorporate specific instances that directly relate to the arguments being made to improve your score in this area.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the prompt and presented a response to each aspect of the task. However, for a higher score, further develop your ideas with a greater degree of detail and provide more in-depth exploration of the contrasting views before presenting your own opinion.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are clear, but they could be more comprehensive. Consider examining each viewpoint in more depth and elaborating on the reasons behind them for a more rounded discussion.
Task Achievement
The essay could be enhanced with more relevant and specific examples. Real-world cases or statistics to support your claims would make your argument more compelling and improve task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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