IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You read in a newspaper that a company is going to renovate some school buildings in your local area that are in a poor condition. You would like to offeryour help. Write a letter to the charity paying for renovation. In your renovation -explain why you want to help with the renovations. -suggest what you can do to help -say when are you available to start work.

#newspaper #company #school #buildings #area #condition #offeryour #charity #renovation #-explain #renovations #-suggest #-say #work
ear Sir / Madam I am writing to offer you some assistance I can get for the school's renovation project.
Firstly
, I would like to thank you for your consideration of the students who are studying in dangerous situations in these schools, as the buildings are strikingly vulnerable. In fact, my son and some of our relatives' children are studying in these schools and all parents were always concerned about the low safety of the buildings.
Then
, as the charity projects need some volunteers to take responsibility in order to contribute to the process, I am glad to tell you that I have several
years'
Correct your spelling
years
show examples
 experience in construction projects
such
 as "Lucky Towers" and " Holston Bridge". So, I can assist you in the whole process ranging from planning to rebuilding and
also
 I can suggest some of my colleagues to be part of
this
 activity. For your information, I should mention that I am free at the weekends to join your group. Please do not hesitate to call me whenever you need my help. My phone number is 06785321. I am looking forward to seeing the project started. Sincerely yours, Andy Johnson
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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sentence structure
Try to vary your sentence structure more to enhance readability and give a more professional touch to your letter.
detail enhancement
Consider specifying more precisely how you and your colleagues could contribute, perhaps by mentioning specific skills or roles you could fulfill.
closing strength
For an even stronger letter, adding a short paragraph expressing hope for a future partnership or indicating eagerness to make a positive change could enhance your closing.
structure
You clearly structured your letter, making it easy to follow.
rationale
The rationale behind wanting to help was personal and compelling, effectively engaging the reader.
availability
Your availability was clearly stated, making it easy for the charity to consider your offer.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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