IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is better for teenagers to work part-time jobs while they are still studying, while others think they should focus only on their education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals are of the opinion that having part-
time
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jobs
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 during the teenage years is better than focusing solely on studying.
In contrast
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, others believe that concentrating on education is far more important.
Although
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 both schools of thought have their own merits, I agree more with the former perspective. The following discussion will present several reasons to support my opinion. On the one hand, there are several important reasons why some people believe that
teenagers
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 should take part-
time
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jobs
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while
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 studying. Having part-
time
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 employment gives
teenagers
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 the opportunity to step out of their comfort zone and do things they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 never taught at school. It
also
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 helps them develop soft
skills
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such
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 as
time
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 management, communication
skills
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, and a sense of responsibility at an early age.
For example
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, working as a waiter in a coffee shop requires
teenagers
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 to communicate with customers and provide good customer service. They are
also
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 responsible for managing tasks in the shop, which helps them become more focused and careful in their
work
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.
In addition
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, having early
work
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 experience brings many advantages for
teenagers
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’ future careers. Nowadays, employers prefer hiring people who have
work
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 experience rather than only high academic qualifications.
For
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this
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 reason, having an early part-
time
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 job can become a noticeable achievement on a teenager’s CV.
On the other hand
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, opponents of the previous view claim that
teenagers
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 should solely focus on their studies. Balancing part-
time
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jobs
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 and academic activities can lead to stress and negatively affect
teenagers
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’ academic performance. Having a part-
time
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 job reduces the
time
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 spent on studying, which forces
teenagers
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 to
reorganize
Change the spelling
reorganise
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 their timetable in order to complete all their homework on
time
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. If they lack effective
time
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 management
skills
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,
this
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 situation may result in stress and a decrease in the quality of both their
work
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 and study.
As a result
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,
teenagers
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 may face poorer exam results, which could limit their choices of future universities. In conclusion,
although
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 there are mixed opinions on whether
teenagers
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 should have part-
time
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jobs
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while
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 studying, I believe that having part-
time
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 employment is a beneficial activity for
teenagers
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. Part-
time
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work
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 helps them develop soft
skills
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 and deal with real-life problems, making them more independent in their personal lives and more confident when facing challenges in the future.

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content
Add more facts or data to back up points. Give one more clear reason for each side.
cohesion
Use more linking words to make flow better, like 'also', 'however', 'in addition'.
grammar
Check small grammar issues and make a few sentences clearer.
content
Try to show a fair view of both sides before giving your own view.
content
Clear stance and quick answer to the task.
examples
Good example of a real work job (waiter) used to show skill gain.
structure
Good layout with an intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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