IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people believe that professional such as doctors and engineers should work in the country where they did their training. Other believe that they should be free to work in another country they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #doctors #engineers #work #country
In the beginning, working in another
country
 was always an area of debate and has become more controversial.
People
 are divided into two groups, some of them claiming that
country
 job opportunities should give the
periority
Correct your spelling
priority
 to its population
while
 others reject
this
 notion. In my opinion, It could
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 both positives and negatives for many reasons. My point of view will be discussed in
further
 paragraphs with
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 conclusion. Analyzing and
further
 explaining
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the statement, working in another
country
 could have many advantages for professional improvement and financial aspects.
For example
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 who are highly qualified could be trained in a small and under-growing
country
 with
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 economy that might diminish their abilities and capabilities with limited job chances
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for doctors and engineers so, moving to another
country
 will open wide horizons of careers
thus
, improve themselves
as well as
 their income.
On the other hand
, one of its dark
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
open
Replace the word
opening
show examples
 chances for all
people
 to work in a
country
 without setting a priority of native
people
 who trained and lived in it will increase the rate of unemployment at an alarming rate which will push them to leave their
country
seaking
Correct your spelling
seeking
speaking
 for a job.
Also
,
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living in another place could be expensive. Another pertinent point to mention, it could affect their
phsycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 state
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 being away
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their family and friends more than those who chose it by themselves. In conclusion. I believe that the advantages
outwight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages and the aforementioned points strongly support my point of view.
However
, every coin has two sides and so
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 working in the same or
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
country
. It will depend upon the
people
's mindsets which view they are in favour of
Submitted by rm0.almohsen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Focus on further developing your ideas with more detailed examples to illustrate them. While some advantages and disadvantages are mentioned, adding specific examples can make your argument stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Strive for smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the essay to flow more naturally, enhancing your coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid informal expressions and contractions to keep your writing appropriate for an academic setting.
positive highlights
Check and correct grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Proofreading your work can significantly improve its clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good practice.
task achievement
Your essay reflects an engagement with the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the complexities of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory service
  • brain drain
  • local needs
  • investment in education
  • professional autonomy
  • skilled workforce
  • global mobility
  • knowledge exchange
  • economic incentives
  • talent retention
  • career development
  • ethical obligations
  • labor market
  • cross-cultural competencies
  • expatriate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: