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Band 5.5

Some people think that uniform in schools is unnecessary and should be banned. To what extent do you agree?

#people #uniform #schools
People have different views
whether
Change preposition
on whether
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 the
school
's
uniform
 is necessary or not
to
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for
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students
. Some people think
school'
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
uniforms
 should be banned because it is unnecessary
while
 others suggest that
uniform
 laws in schools have many advantages for
students
. I partly agree with
this
 statement that
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 have a variety of merits for
students
,
however
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however,
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 there are
also
 some disadvantages that we have to consider
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support
this
 view that
uniforms
 in schools have to be banned.
Firstly
,
uniform's
Correct article usage
the uniform's
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 shapes are all the same. In fact, the appearance that people how they wear their clothes can show their identity.
For instance
, most youths can show their personality or interests by wearing various clothes or fashion items ,
eventhough
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even though
 some items are costly
high
Correct word choice
apply
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, they purchase these
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 to boast .
Therefore
 resisting that
student
's outfit could take out
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
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 freedom.
On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school
uniforms
 have a number of merits to
students
To begin
 with, sometimes
students
 spend most of their morning time in front of the mirror to check and
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 their clothes which can boost their appearance. In
this
 case, its behaviours can lead to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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obstacles
of
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to
show examples
 education.
According to
 recent academic
researches
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research
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, a great number of
students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tend to care about their appearance too much than their
assigns
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assignments
show examples
 or
school
 life. In the same vein,
due to
 the same forms of
uniforms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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regardless of
student's
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students'
show examples
 identities,
uniforms
 can reduce
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
wasting their time
to concern
Change the verb form
concerned
show examples
 with how they look.
As a result
, in the educational aspects,
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 would be helpful to
students
 for long periods.  In conclusion, technically, it is not a clear-cut issue.
Although
 there are impossible to deny good points of banning
uniforms
, there are
also
 significant merits of wearing
uniforms
.
However
, in my opinion,
school
uniform
 laws should allow to schools because it could be a good point to increase
student
's
academical
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academic
show examples
influences
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influence
show examples
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to more smoothly connect your ideas.
Task Response
Ensure precise use of vocabulary and avoidance of repetition to improve the clarity of your arguments. This helps in making your position and reasoning more compelling.
Task Response
Work on refining your conclusion to more decisively summarize your viewpoint and the reasons behind it. This strengthens your essay by leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your stance.
Language
Be mindful of minor grammatical inaccuracies and spelling errors, as refining these can contribute to a more professional and polished presentation of your ideas.
Task Response
You introduced the topic well, clearly presenting the debate on school uniforms.
Task Response
You successfully outlined both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a logical structure, with clear paragraphs each addressing a specific point of the argument.
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