IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries student pay their fees by themselves but in some countries it has been paid by government

#countries #student #fees #government
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It is undeniable that schools are the place where children get knowledge
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
however
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, it has been paid for by the learner in some nations,
while
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 in many countries the cost of the study is covered by the
government
Use synonyms
 only.
This
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 essay will briefly analyse both the merits and demerits of
this
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 trend in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the advantages when individuals give their
fees
Use synonyms
 by themselves. First and foremost they become financially independent as for paying their expenses and
fees
Use synonyms
, they have to work part-time which aids them in understanding the value of money.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will never encourage themselves to buy useless goods with their hard-earned money.
Moreover
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, paying their
fees
Use synonyms
 individually teaches them about how to be a self-dependent person.
For instance
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, students living away from their parents have to make wise decisions on their own regarding what they have to do or what not even without their parents' help.
Thus
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, they become a self-sufficient person in future.
On the other hand
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, people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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say that the
government
Use synonyms
 have to pay their
fees
Use synonyms
 because doing
this
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 provides everyone with equal access to education regardless of student's socioeconomic status. Since
,
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apply
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 students are the future of the country who pay 15% tax to the
government
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 when they start to earn by themselves. So‌, the
government
Use synonyms
 is helping everyone so they can get benefits from them in the future.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 paying
fees
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 helps to maintain social equality among everyone,
fees
Use synonyms
 paid by the students themselves help them realise the importance of money
Submitted by k7jassu on

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task achievement
Expand your examples with more specific details to strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer picture of each point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly by using more transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
The main points of the essay are well-supported with relevant ideas and justifications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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