Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is thought by some people that
pop
stars
should get
money
higher than classical
music
performers
while
others believe they deserve almost the same amount of
money
. In
this
essay, both viewpoints will be discussed before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, it is true that payment should be given to
pop
stars
. These days, the fame of
pop
stars
,
such
as K-
pop
or Korean
music
, spreads worldwide. Their new albums or products are sold out within an hour and the sale value, without doubt, is higher than the classical
music
performers' works.
Hence
,
this
money
should be shared with them.
In addition
,
pop
stars
' work way more variable
as a result
they have many ways to earn their incomes. They can be hired as ambassadors, presenters, actors, etc.
while
the classical ones cannot.
On the other hand
, it is comprehensible if they obtain the same amount of cash. both of them use almost exactly the same skills
such
as singing, playing instruments and performing.
However
, classical
music
is more likely to attach specific and niche communities like hi-so. These groups of people possess a lot of
money
and they are willing to spend it on everything they like without thinking twice.
Moreover
, classical
music
performers mostly perform in large groups,
thus
, it is harder to synchronise than
pop
stars
.
Therefore
, they should obtain more cash as a reward for their efforts. In conclusion, both
pop
and classical
music
stars
are playing the same role, performing in front of people. In my opinion, it depends on their listeners and how much they can support their models.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve flow and readability.
Task Achievement
Ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion, for a stronger argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints before stating your opinion, demonstrating good task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented, aiding in the overall structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a logical structure that helps understand your points easily.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • appeal
  • broad
  • diverse
  • revenue
  • merchandise
  • streaming services
  • pop culture
  • mass media
  • marketable
  • undergo
  • dedication
  • master
  • craft
  • justification
  • rarity
  • specialized skill set
  • elevate
  • worth
  • audience
  • public funding
  • patronage
  • financial dynamics
  • disparity
  • market trends
  • cultural trends
  • artistic value
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