Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is thought by some people that
pop
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stars
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should get
money
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higher than classical
music
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performers
while
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others believe they deserve almost the same amount of
money
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. In
this
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essay, both viewpoints will be discussed before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, it is true that payment should be given to
pop
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stars
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. These days, the fame of
pop
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stars
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,
such
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as K-
pop
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or Korean
music
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, spreads worldwide. Their new albums or products are sold out within an hour and the sale value, without doubt, is higher than the classical
music
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performers' works.
Hence
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,
this
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money
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should be shared with them.
In addition
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,
pop
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stars
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' work way more variable
as a result
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they have many ways to earn their incomes. They can be hired as ambassadors, presenters, actors, etc.
while
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the classical ones cannot.
On the other hand
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, it is comprehensible if they obtain the same amount of cash. both of them use almost exactly the same skills
such
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as singing, playing instruments and performing.
However
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, classical
music
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is more likely to attach specific and niche communities like hi-so. These groups of people possess a lot of
money
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and they are willing to spend it on everything they like without thinking twice.
Moreover
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, classical
music
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performers mostly perform in large groups,
thus
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, it is harder to synchronise than
pop
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stars
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.
Therefore
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, they should obtain more cash as a reward for their efforts. In conclusion, both
pop
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and classical
music
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stars
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are playing the same role, performing in front of people. In my opinion, it depends on their listeners and how much they can support their models.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve flow and readability.
Task Achievement
Ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion, for a stronger argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints before stating your opinion, demonstrating good task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented, aiding in the overall structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a logical structure that helps understand your points easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • appeal
  • broad
  • diverse
  • revenue
  • merchandise
  • streaming services
  • pop culture
  • mass media
  • marketable
  • undergo
  • dedication
  • master
  • craft
  • justification
  • rarity
  • specialized skill set
  • elevate
  • worth
  • audience
  • public funding
  • patronage
  • financial dynamics
  • disparity
  • market trends
  • cultural trends
  • artistic value
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