IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is thought by some people that
pop
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
 should get
money
Use synonyms
 higher than classical
music
Use synonyms
 performers
while
Linking Words
 others believe they deserve almost the same amount of
money
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both viewpoints will be discussed before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, it is true that payment should be given to
pop
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
. These days, the fame of
pop
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as K-
pop
Use synonyms
 or Korean
music
Use synonyms
, spreads worldwide. Their new albums or products are sold out within an hour and the sale value, without doubt, is higher than the classical
music
Use synonyms
 performers' works.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 should be shared with them.
In addition
Linking Words
,
pop
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
' work way more variable
as a result
Linking Words
 they have many ways to earn their incomes. They can be hired as ambassadors, presenters, actors, etc.
while
Linking Words
 the classical ones cannot.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is comprehensible if they obtain the same amount of cash. both of them use almost exactly the same skills
such
Linking Words
 as singing, playing instruments and performing.
However
Linking Words
, classical
music
Use synonyms
 is more likely to attach specific and niche communities like hi-so. These groups of people possess a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 and they are willing to spend it on everything they like without thinking twice.
Moreover
Linking Words
, classical
music
Use synonyms
 performers mostly perform in large groups,
thus
Linking Words
, it is harder to synchronise than
pop
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should obtain more cash as a reward for their efforts. In conclusion, both
pop
Use synonyms
 and classical
music
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
 are playing the same role, performing in front of people. In my opinion, it depends on their listeners and how much they can support their models.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve flow and readability.
Task Achievement
Ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion, for a stronger argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints before stating your opinion, demonstrating good task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented, aiding in the overall structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a logical structure that helps understand your points easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • appeal
  • broad
  • diverse
  • revenue
  • merchandise
  • streaming services
  • pop culture
  • mass media
  • marketable
  • undergo
  • dedication
  • master
  • craft
  • justification
  • rarity
  • specialized skill set
  • elevate
  • worth
  • audience
  • public funding
  • patronage
  • financial dynamics
  • disparity
  • market trends
  • cultural trends
  • artistic value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: