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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that easting meat is not healthy to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat
The debate over is in the fact that it is not advisable to consume
meat
while
 others claim that it is one of the most essential product in our daily nutrition.
Although
meat
 provide us recommended percent of vitamins , it might can lead a couple of diseases.
To begin
 with ,
meat
 have to be included into our daily diet . It can provide enough amount of hemoglobin
as well as
 protein , that are two essential chemicals in our blood.
For example
 : in Spanish there was an experiment where ten people used to not eat any kind of
meat
 for a month . In comparison with their medical analysis before and after the challenge it has been founded that percent of hemoglobin has decreased sharply which lead them to often headaches and weakness .
Therefore
 it is not advisable to become a vegetarian . From the other hand , there are several research which advise us to reduce its consumption. If individuals give up consuming
meat
 , we will be able to avoid ourselves from
such
 disease as cholesterol .
As a consequence
 :
According to
 statistics , each year more
then
 30 percent of inhabitants of Uzbekistan suffer from extremely high degree of oil in their blood ,which means that the cholesterol are widespread there.
Therefore
 ,
meat
 eating can lead us to
such
 disorders us cholesterol. By taking both sides into account I believe that we should consume
meat
 in our daily nutritions in order to keep chemicals in our body depending on health standards . If we do not do it, we will lead our health to a more serious illness
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task response
The essay attempts to cover the topic but lacks detailed development of ideas and supporting examples. Consider expanding on your arguments with more depth and providing clearer examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is apparent, but the flow of ideas could be improved by better linking words and phrases. Focus on enhancing the reader's ability to follow your argument seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion provides a summary of your viewpoint; however, it can be further strengthened by clearly stating your personal stance and summarizing key arguments more effectively.
task response
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
task response
The use of an example to support your point about the significance of meat for hemoglobin levels demonstrates an attempt to support your main points with evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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