IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Other sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

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It is argued that social publishing makes everyone closer in an affirmative way;
however
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, others believe that it affects young people and their creation relationships negatively.
This
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 writer is of the opinion that Social
media
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 bring more advantages for the connection of the community because of the ability of the internet rather than having a bad impact on the young. It must be recognized that using social
media
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 is one of the best ways to connect and communicate with everyone.
This
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 is because, they can use simple equipment
such
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 as mobile phones, tablets and computers to connect to other people just by the internet and public networks.
Therefore
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, the relationship among people can be maintained ,
for instance
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,by getting in touch even the gap of geographic or long period of time. Eventually, it is easy to realise that
media
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 platforms affect our relationships beneficially.
However
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, Social publishing is still an uncarefully censored platform.
Therefore
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, the young, who do not have a perception of right and wrong, can easily be attached to the violence of social platforms. It means that they can have psychological problems and lead to a life separate from society,and a loss the connection with everyone.
This
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 point may be true, but if they have enough awareness, social networks will be a supporter in the process of creating a personal relationship network. It must be understood that a social networking website is the best place to find someone who has the same hobby and ambition as you. Because of the trading of various values of many parts of life, their relation is more quality and meaningful,which is hard to build without a network.
As a result
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, social
media
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 still plays an important role in connection among the community. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 can affect remarkably our lives, its benefits can not still be negated.
Therefore
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, we should maintain the hobby of using social
media
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.

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What works well

2
Balanced Argument

You provided a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of social media, which shows an ability to engage with complex ideas.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your argument and summarizing your main points, which helps in making your essay cohesive.

Improvement Suggestions

4
Support and Development

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed with explanations or examples. Some paragraphs lacked depth or clear examples to support the assertions made.

Paragraph Structure

Consider grouping your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, with sentences that support and develop that idea.

Vocabulary Usage

Be careful with repetitive phrases and try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher proficiency in language use.

Grammar and Accuracy

Monitor your essay for minor grammatical errors and aim to vary your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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