In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

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Children can be affected easily by what other

people

Use synonyms

say to them. Some cultures claim that young

people

Use synonyms

can attain anything if they are told to work hard.

This

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can be a positive point because it can impact their performance,

while

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it can

also

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lead them to negative consequences,

such

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as stress. Young

people

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will be motivated to work hard continuously since they want to acquire their desires.

This

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shapes them into hardworking and brave individuals, especially when they face challenges because they fully believe in themselves.

In addition

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, they will understand the importance of

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

, which makes them reluctant to give up.

For instance

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, students who are encouraged by their teachers to try hard will work vigorously to reach their goals as it affects their perspectives to believe that effort is essential.

As a result

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, they have become resilient

people

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and will perform consistently if they have aims.

On the other hand

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, children have to deal with hardships as they cannot

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

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their satisfaction without working hard. They will think that they are incapable of achieving their goals, leading them to experience demotivation.

Moreover

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, it can

also

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cause them to overwork since they will feel lacking in many aspects and force themselves too far. One of my friends,

for example

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, experienced burnout

due to

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studying intensively because her parents often said that she must put forth all

efforts

Correct pronoun usage

her efforts

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Hence

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, it influenced her performance and resulted in a stressful life because of the pressure she received from her parents.

To conclude

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, telling young

people

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to be hard workers can be an effective way to broaden their visions and shape them into better

people

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in the future since they will be aware of their dreams that need to be accomplished through dedication.

However

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, it can adversely affect them as they will feel under pressure and obligated to strive harder.

hanalyaa29Fri Jan 10 2025

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Task Achievement

Ensure to elaborate more on each main point with detailed examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more comprehensive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to focus more on linking devices to enhance cohesion between paragraphs and ideas.

Introduction and Conclusion

You provided a clear introduction and a balanced conclusion, which effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

Logical Structure

The essay is generally well-organized, with paragraphs focusing on a single main idea, which is logically developed.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Encouragement
Motivation
Determination
Work Ethic
Persistence
Self-esteem
Confidence
Challenges
Unrealistic Expectations
Disappointment
Frustration
Limitations
External Factors
Pressure
Stress
Anxiety
Mental Health

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that interviewsm is not a reliable method of choosing whom to employ and there are other better methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In order to solve traffic problems government should tax private cars owners heavily and use the money to improve public transport. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

some people think that manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while other argue that people have the responbility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.