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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some are of the opinion that owning a business brings burden, while some others think being an entrepreneur gives choice for a person to live in a way he want to.I agree that an entrepreneur had flexibility and freedom to design a life they would love to live.

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Some are of the opinion that owning a
business
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 brings a burden,
while
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 others think being an
entrepreneur
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 gives a choice for a
person
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 to live in the way he wants to. I agree that an
entrepreneur
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 has the flexibility and freedom to design a life they would love to live. First of all, the job of an
entrepreneur
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 is associated with many responsibilities, predominantly the management of several departments without flaws on a day-to-day basis.
Moreover
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, a businessman must satisfy his/her employees in
such
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 a way that
,
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apply
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 the laymen would develop trust towards the company which in turn results in longer relationships with the organization.
For instance
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, it is highly important to identify and reward people who perform well.
In addition
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, a businessman is
also
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 liable to follow the rules and regulations and stay compliant with the governing authorities. To cite an example, one of the famous businessmen in India, was recently caught by the National Investigation Agency for not paying the full tax amount as per the records. All these aspects can lead to worries and burdens
,
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 when a single
person
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 owns a
business
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. Despite all these drawbacks, there are several positive factors that can be considered, being an
entrepreneur
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.
Firstly
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, it provides freedom to the
person
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 who runs the
business
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.
For example
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, he/she does not have to rely on someone to make decisions during crucial times.
Secondly
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, it provides flexibility in all sectors of
business
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. To explain
further
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, when a single
person
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 manages a
business
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, one has the opportunity to expand to various parts of the world
according to
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 their own preferences.
Lastly
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, profit is not shared with anyone which is a huge win for any businessman.
This
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 helps them to build an empire of their own prospects. In short, running a
business
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 has both benefits and disadvantages. Considering the positive sides of it, I believe that an
entrepreneur
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 can make independent decisions, enjoy freedom and earn a better income.
Therefore
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, they have higher chances of living the life they intend to.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in relatively equal measure to avoid imbalance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases to improve cohesion between ideas.
Task Achievement
Including more detailed and specific examples can enhance the persuasiveness and relevance of your argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
Clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your viewpoint.
Logical Structure
Effective use of structure, with separate paragraphs for different aspects of the argument.
Task Achievement
Good job in presenting an independent stance supported by relevant examples.
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