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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
#information #ages #populations #yemen #projections
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The diagrams show
statistic
Replace the word
statistical
show examples
 information regarding the ages of the
habitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
show examples
 of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and
also
Linking Words
a
Change the article
an
show examples
estimative
Replace the word
estimate
show examples
 for 2050. We can see that in 2000 the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 in Yemen
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 between 0 and 14
years
Use synonyms
 old,
whith
Correct your spelling
with
which
 50.1%,
whereas
Linking Words
 in Italy most of the population was between 15- 59
years
Use synonyms
 old (61.6%, in the same year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, just 3.6% of
people
Use synonyms
 in the former country
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 60
years
Use synonyms
 old or
more
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 in the latter
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure is represented
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 241%. The projections for 2050 show that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 with 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 and 60
years
Use synonyms
 or more will increase in Yemen, reaching 57.3% and 5.7% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in Italy, the population with 15-59
years
Use synonyms
will
Correct word choice
old will
show examples
 decrease to 46.2%,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 with 60
years
Use synonyms
 or more will grow to 42.3%
Overall
Linking Words
, it is possible to see that there is an upward trend
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rates of
people
Use synonyms
 with 60
years
Use synonyms
 or more in both countries.
Submitted by 876764430 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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