Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

some

people

Use synonyms

argue that to enjoy a hobby, you need to do a hard one.

this

Linking Words

essay totally disagrees with

this

Linking Words

statement because, for one,

people

Use synonyms

are already under enough pressure with their

work

Use synonyms

;

therefore

Linking Words

hobbies

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should not be arduous as well.

Secondly

Linking Words

, excessively demanding

hobbies

Use synonyms

are more likely to discourage

people

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from developing their skills.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand,

hobbies

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should provide an opportunity for

people

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to enjoy their spare time;

therefore

Linking Words

, should not be so demanding to follow. Since, nowadays,

due to

Linking Words

financial problems,

people

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have to

work

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extra time to provide a minimum quality of life, they mostly look for easy

activities

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, which can take their minds off their daily stress.

For example

Linking Words

, if individuals engage in challenging

activities

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, the levels of their energy will dramatically drop;

subsequently

Linking Words

, they are less likely to concentrate on their professions.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

, tough

activities

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may lower

people

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's encouragement.

That is

Linking Words

to say that when individuals find themselves, not able to solve a puzzle or master a hobby because of its high level of difficulty, the expectations of themselves will drop.

Consequently

Linking Words

instead

Linking Words

of getting more energized, they lose their hope and motivation to concentrate on their

work

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For instance

Linking Words

, if the running instructors take the first and beginner levels of running, hard on

people

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, they will lose their interest in perpetuating that field.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I disagree that difficult

hobbies

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give more

fulfillment

Change the spelling

fulfilment

show examples

people

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. Quite the contrary,

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe that easier and more achievable

activities

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would boost individuals' confidence and concentration to get back on their

work

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track and responsibilities.

fati.p98n

Jun 1, 2024

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sentence structure

Work on improving the variety and complexity of sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the essay.

formal tone

Ensure consistent use of formal academic language; avoid contractions such as 'i' and instead write 'I'.

content expansion

Address potential counterarguments briefly to make the essay more balanced and comprehensive.

structure

The essay has a clear and logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are present and well-defined, providing a complete frame for the essay's argument.

content support

Main points are well-supported with specific and relevant examples, enhancing the argument's effectiveness.

flow

The essay avoids repetition and maintains a good flow of ideas, contributing to coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

unique challenge
personal growth
mastery
accomplishment
demanding
thrill of achievement
pastimes
fostering
sense of community
mindfulness
stress relief
mental break
daily stressors

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There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.(re)