IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that to enjoy a hobby, you need to do a hard one.
this
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 essay totally disagrees with
this
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 statement because, for one,
people
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 are already under enough pressure with their
work
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;
therefore
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,
hobbies
Use synonyms
 should not be arduous as well.
Secondly
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, excessively demanding
hobbies
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 are more likely to discourage
people
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 from developing their skills. On the one hand,
hobbies
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 should provide an opportunity for
people
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 to enjoy their spare time;
therefore
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, should not be so demanding to follow. Since, nowadays,
due to
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 financial problems,
people
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 have to
work
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 extra time to provide a minimum quality of life, they mostly look for easy
activities
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, which can take their minds off their daily stress.
For example
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, if individuals engage in challenging
activities
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, the levels of their energy will dramatically drop;
subsequently
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, they are less likely to concentrate on their professions.
On the other hand
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, tough
activities
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 may lower
people
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's encouragement.
That is
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 to say that when individuals find themselves, not able to solve a puzzle or master a hobby because of its high level of difficulty, the expectations of themselves will drop.
Consequently
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,
instead
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 of getting more energized, they lose their hope and motivation to concentrate on their
work
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.
For instance
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, if the running instructors take the first and beginner levels of running, hard on
people
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, they will lose their interest in perpetuating that field. In conclusion, I disagree that difficult
hobbies
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 give more
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 to
people
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. Quite the contrary,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that easier and more achievable
activities
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 would boost individuals' confidence and concentration to get back on their
work
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 track and responsibilities.

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sentence structure
Work on improving the variety and complexity of sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the essay.
formal tone
Ensure consistent use of formal academic language; avoid contractions such as 'i' and instead write 'I'.
content expansion
Address potential counterarguments briefly to make the essay more balanced and comprehensive.
structure
The essay has a clear and logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-defined, providing a complete frame for the essay's argument.
content support
Main points are well-supported with specific and relevant examples, enhancing the argument's effectiveness.
flow
The essay avoids repetition and maintains a good flow of ideas, contributing to coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique challenge
  • personal growth
  • mastery
  • accomplishment
  • demanding
  • thrill of achievement
  • pastimes
  • fostering
  • sense of community
  • mindfulness
  • stress relief
  • mental break
  • daily stressors
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