IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people belive that museums should be free to everyone and not charge an entry fee. To what extent do you agree ?

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It is asserted that
museums
Use synonyms
 should be free and without any entry fee. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea and I will elaborate on my opinion. To elaborate, owing to the fact that
museums
Use synonyms
 have costs and the government can not cover all their expenses,
thus
Linking Words
 it is obvious that all the
museums
Use synonyms
 must sell tickets and try to finance their expenditure. The latest report of the Wall Street Journal about the financial condition of the U.S.
museums
Use synonyms
 has illustrated that government aid just covers 55% of their annual costs and the rest of
that is
Linking Words
 financed by selling tickets or renting some part of the museum to the special cultural events.
This
Linking Words
 fact highlights the reality that
museums
Use synonyms
 need to balance revenue and cost with other sources of revenue. The second reason is related to the private
museums
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the independence of the private
museums
Use synonyms
 from the government and public budget, they have to make money from different sources in order to live and continue.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Private Museum of London financed 65% of its expenses with private aid, 30% of selling tickets, and the rest of 5% from other sources.
Although
Linking Words
 free
museums
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 could raise the proportion of visiting them, it can hurt many private
museums
Use synonyms
 considerably.
Thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 kind of decision is not possible in terms of financial matters. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the idea that
museums
Use synonyms
, including public and private ones, should be free
due to
Linking Words
 the high expenses of
museums
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 the dependence of private
museums
Use synonyms
 on ticket sales.

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task achievement
You present a clear argument throughout the essay, which is excellent. However, expanding your argument with broader examples and perspectives could enhance your essay further.
coherence cohesion
To improve, consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of linking words. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your points more distinct.
logical structure
Good job on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
supported main points
Your use of specific examples, like the report from the Wall Street Journal and the Private Museum of London, strengthens your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your clear position throughout the essay provides a solid foundation for your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Cultural heritage
  • National identity
  • Educational resource
  • Commercialization
  • Transactional experience
  • Maintenance
  • Acquisitions
  • Revenue
  • Government subsidies
  • Feasibility
  • Nuanced perspective
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