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Band 7

The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012

The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
two graphs provide data on the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in the Olympics from 1924 to 2012, divided by gender and the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both graphs show the upward trends throughout the given period. It is
also
Linking Words
 worth pointing out that male
participants
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 higher than female
participants
Use synonyms
 between 1924 and 2012. Looking at the bar graph in more detail, in 1924, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male
participants
Use synonyms
 showed 3000
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 female athletes showed zero. As can be seen in the graph, the figure for men almost doubled from 3000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1924 to 6000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
While
Linking Words
 the
women
Correct quantifier usage
number of women
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
 increased sharply to just under 5000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2012. When it comes to the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in the Olympics, it showed a steady rise between 1924 and 1984.
While
Linking Words
 the figure for
participants
Use synonyms
 skyrocketed from 1984 to 2012. It started around 3000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1924,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 figure for
participants
Use synonyms
 reached a peak at 10,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2012.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, participants, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender ratio
  • inclusion
  • significant gap
  • gradual increase
  • key Olympics
  • notable increase
  • policy changes
  • closing gender gap
  • socio-political factors
  • feminist movements
  • gender equality
  • parity
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