IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages fo this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, in some
Add a comma
counties,
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counties
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countries
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 the young
generation
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uotnumbers
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outnumbers
 the
quantity
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number
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 of aged
people
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both pros and cons of
this
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 phenomenon and provide a logical conclusion. On the one hand, there are a lot of positive aspects of having
prevailing
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a prevailing
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 number of children in
population
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the population
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.
Firstly
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, it means that in the future, there will be enough
of
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apply
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young
people
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 to hold the country.
Therefore
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, there would be no need for
elderly
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the elderly
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 to work and,
moreover
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,
retirement
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the retirement
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 age
can
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could
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 be reduced and alleviate
aged
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the aged
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 population`s lives.
Furthermore
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, a large number of new
generation
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 brings with it a wide range of new mindsets and ideas.
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in
Capitalize word
In
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 other words, the upcoming
generation
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 might make a huge contribution to the
overall
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 development of the country and areas
such
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 as science and economics. And
on the other hand
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, a lack of older
people
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 points to the loss of experience and
knowledge
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. Older individuals often possess professional experience gained over many years of work.
Such
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 valuable
knowledge
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 in various fields is irreplaceable.
Threfore
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Therefore
, with the decrease in the number of older citizens,
the
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apply
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youngsters may face challenges at work
due to
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 the lack of information.
As well as
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knowledge
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, aged
people
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 can pass
crucial
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on crucial
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 life skills
such
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 as financial management, conflict resolution and
ability
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the ability
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 to think
creative
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creatively
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 to the next
generation
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.
To sum up
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,
while
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 in some countries
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
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is prevailing
Wrong verb form
prevails
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 over the older individuals, it is important to be mindful of drawbacks.
Although
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 there are some negative aspects
such
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 as a lack of skills
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and
ans
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and
knowledge
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 acquired from aged individuals,
i
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I
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 believe that
Correct article usage
the pros
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pros
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the pros
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 outweigh
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the cons
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cons
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the cons
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.

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Specificity of Examples
Try to provide more precise and varied examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Grammar
Ensure consistency in verb tenses to maintain clarity and coherence in your writing.
Spelling & Typography
Consider revising minor spelling and typographical errors to enhance the overall presentation of your essay.
Structure
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion.
Task Response
Your essay successfully addresses the task, providing a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages.
Transitions
Good use of transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, aiding the flow and coherence of the essay.
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