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Band 6.5

Some people think it is a better way to leave their home country to improve their work and living opportunities, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #home #country #work #opportunities #choice
Nowadays, many
people
 decide to leave their hometowns to find more opportunities in their careers.
In contrast
, other
people
 believe that settling in their own country would be a better option. The following paragraphs of
this
 essay will discuss both views. Undoubtedly, finding better ways for career paths is a very important thing to do.
Therefore
, some
people
 make their decision to go abroad or leave their home country for many reasons.
For instance
, it may be struggling to improve skills in individuals who live in undeveloped
countries
. Since the chances for workers to take higher positions are really tough to find.
Moreover
, if they want to improve their work and living opportunities, they should broaden their horizons by learning new things they have never learned before.
On the other hand
, some believe that
remain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
staying in their hometown would be better. It will make you feel more comfortable,
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not get homesick, and
also
 be safer than living in new places that you have never lived.
Additionally
, the
countries
 will have more talented citizens, resulting in a higher rate of education in
countries
,
push
Wrong verb form
pushing
show examples
 their own country to a higher status, and
also
 raising up their nations to be influence in many aspects. To summarize, both views have many advantages, the decisions depend on what ones need for their future. In my opinion, I would like to go to other
countries
 because I want to widen my perspectives and look for better opportunities in life.
In addition
, to make friends with other
people
 as well.
Submitted by rasita.pare on

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Detail & Example
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, which is then further explained or supported with examples or further explanation. While your essay does provide a good overview of the topic, delving into more specific examples or scenarios could enhance clarity and impact.
Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow. While your essay has good cohesion, more complex or varied sentences could improve coherence and maintain the reader's interest.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay does a commendable job at discussing both viewpoints on the given topic, framing the debate in a balanced manner.
Structure
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your essay effectively and summarizing your arguments in a coherent manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional growth
  • quality of life
  • stronger economies
  • employment opportunities
  • advancement opportunities
  • emotional bonds
  • cultural ties
  • familiar environment
  • contributing to
  • local economy
  • personal aspirations
  • cultural identity
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