IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #right #access #university #education #governments #students #matter #background
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One school of thought holds that governmental bodies should offer students, irrespective of their socio-economic background, free-of-charge access to tertiary education.
While
 I accept that
this
 perspective is somewhat justifiable, I believe that
this
 waiving
tuition
 could be fraught with pitfalls. On the one hand, receiving a free college from the government could be advantageous to a certain extent. First and foremost,
this
 policy could allow bachelor’s degree holders to have more opportunities to find a high-paid job.
For example
, the Netherlands Government abolished
tuition
 fees for citizens, and
as a result
, numerous graduates could work for reputation organisations which offer them large incomes.
Furthermore
, not worrying about
tuition
 could help students focus on studying and research.
For instance
, graduates who pursue university programs, especially those with high knowledge and skills will be valuable human resources contributing, thereby contributing to building a more equitable society.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
provision of free-of-charge education could do both learners and communities a great disservice. One
rational
Correct your spelling
rationale
show examples
 is that students may take a heavy toll on students’ academic performance.
For instance
, they may lose their concentration on studying and skip the lessons,
as a result
, they could have an adverse bearing on the exams. Another justification is that the enormous cost incurred to cover students’
tuition
 payments would put a strain on government coffers.
This
,
therefore
, could lead to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare, thereby forcing ordinary citizens, especially those who are on the verge of poverty, to struggle even more to make ends meet. In conclusion, it is irrefutable that
tuition
 exemption could have some beneficial aspects, I would contend that national authorities should not make higher education free for everyone because of its serious drawbacks.
Submitted by vietnam.rosy.nguyen on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, some sentences could be simplified for clarity. For instance, 'This, therefore, could lead to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare, thereby forcing ordinary citizens, especially those who are on the verge of poverty, to struggle even more to make ends meet' is a bit convoluted. Consider breaking it into shorter sentences.
task achievement
Your argument is clear and relevant examples are provided, but ensure that all examples you provide are directly and clearly related to your main points. The example regarding the Netherlands could be more tightly linked to the argument about high-paid job opportunities.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps guide your reader through your argument effectively.
supported main points
You have provided specific examples to support your arguments, such as the example of the Netherlands government and its impact on graduates finding high-paid jobs. These examples enhance your main points and demonstrate a solid task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Higher education
  • Accessibility
  • Social mobility
  • Meritocracy
  • Economic growth
  • Equality
  • Subsidize
  • Fiscal sustainability
  • Human capital
  • Incentivize
  • Underfunded
  • Tuition fees
  • Academic achievement
  • Workforce
  • Tax burden
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