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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taugh to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #taugh #co-operate #adults
It is undeniable that nowadays modernization has made
people
 competitive. Parents want their
children
 to be competitive in every aspect of their lives
whereas
 other
people
 opine that being cooperative is more effective. In the following essay, I will discuss both views & give my own opinion.
To begin
 with, at present with the advancement of modern technology world has become so fast that if you are not competitive enough,
then
 you will have to face lots of hurdles in your life. In the education and job sectors, you have to prove your proficiency to get success. As a multitude of examinations are held to hire or select the best one, a sense of competition comes automatically.
Moreover
, it is believed that if there are competitions among the
children
, they will be more serious to boost their knowledge. It will help them to be adaptive & more inventive in
this
 technological era.
On the other hand
, many
people
 believe that if
children
 are taught to be
co-operative
Correct your spelling
cooperative
show examples
 with each other that will help them to become more beneficial citizens. Because, when there is competition, there is jealousy as well.
For
this
 reason at present
children
 do not have a sharing attitude. Without a sharing or helping mindset,
people
 can not bolster their proficiency & it will not be advantageous for society as well.
Finally
, I support the latter view. In my perspective, being taught to be co-operative is more useful for the
children
. Because with
this
 attitude, they will learn to be social & their networking skill will be escalated as well. In today's world, without networking & socialism, the youth will not be able to
be succeeded
Wrong verb form
succeed
show examples
 in life.
To sum up
, parents should teach both fair competition & co-operation to the
children
 so that they can help society in an effective way.
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Task Achievement
Work on integrating more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve, consider varying sentence structures and implementing a wider range of vocabulary to enhance readability and interest.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views before presenting your opinion to fully address the task requirement.
Logical Structure
Your essay provided a well-structured argument that clearly discusses both views before stating your own opinion.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion were effectively articulated, framing your essay cohesively.
Supported Main Points
You successfully supported your main points with clear explanations, contributing to a cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive spirit
  • real-world experiences
  • self-esteem
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • communication
  • personal and professional relationships
  • personal excellence
  • balanced exposure
  • well-rounded individuals
  • ambitious
  • empathetic
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