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Writing Samples /
Band 8

What is your opinion about the advantages of smoking cigarettes?

#cigarettes
All
this
 time,
people
 have always been aware that smoking
cigarettes
 is not a good thing for their health. Even knowing that fact,
cigarettes
 are still available in many countries around the world.
This
 essay will explain some of the advantages of smoking
cigarettes
. There are several reasons why
people
 smoke
cigarettes
 even though they already know the drawbacks. The first reason is they just follow the habits of the
people
 that surround them,
such
 as their friends, their uncle, or even their own father. At first time, maybe, they were just curious and wanted to try it. But after some time, they get addicted and feel relaxed when they are smoking
cigarettes
. Some
people
 even said that when they are facing a problem in their lives,
cigarettes
 can help them relieve their stress or even help them think of a resolution. Maybe,
this
 phenomenon happens
due to
 some chemicals in
cigarettes
 that can cause a relaxing feeling for the smoker and could be considered to be of one the advantages. The second thing that can be seen as a positive impact of smoking
cigarettes
 is their economic value. It cannot be denied that
cigarettes
 are helping to boost some countries’ economic conditions.
This
 is because of their tax on export and import activity.
For example
, in Indonesia, the tax on cigarette transactions in just 1 year, can reach almost 137 trillion rupiahs, and
that is
 not a small amount of money. Maybe, the government saw
this
 as one of the key incomes for the nation so they could not ban the cigarette trade. Based on the explanation above, there are some positive aspects that can be seen from smoking
cigarettes
,
such
 as their relieving effect on the smoker and their economic value.
Besides
 that,
people
 still need to be concerned about the negative health effects for themselves when they consume too much.
Submitted by rifqiesap on

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coherence cohesion
You've presented a clear argument with an introduction, development, and conclusion. For further improvement, try to enhance the complexity of your sentences and use a wider range of linking words.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic, the emphasis on the advantages of smoking might benefit from a more nuanced perspective that acknowledges the significant health risks in a balanced manner. Consider presenting counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, making your points easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided clear examples to support your arguments, effectively illustrating your points about the economic advantages of smoking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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