IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year by year. While some people believe prison is the best way to tackle crime, others suggest that community service is more successful.” Discuss both views.

#people #prison #year #crime #community #service
In contemporary society, there is a raising of individuals who take part in
criminial
Correct your spelling
criminal
 activities annually. In
this
 problem, some argue that the policy of
prison
 plays a vital role in addressing crime,
while
 others contend that the standard of
life
 for the inhabitants is better.
To begin
 with, the regulation about being offenders
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in
prison
 will lay the foundation for a sustainable community.
Firstly
,
this
 policy
play
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a punishment to chastise people who break the
law
.
It is clear that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
behin
Correct your spelling
behind
 bars will help them realise
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 serious consequences and
promote
Verb problem
move
show examples
 forward
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
positive
Add an article
a positive
the positive
show examples
 direction. One more reason is that receiving
prison
 sentences for people who commit crimes is more effective
to express
Change preposition
in expressing
show examples
 the power of
political
Add an article
the political
show examples
 system. It is evident that policymakers can impose more severe punishments
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their illegal activities.
For instance
, with serious crimes like murder, they will put into practice the
dealth
Correct your spelling
death
 penalty for criminals. On the flip side,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education for
prison
life
 will facilitate
offenders
Change noun form
offenders'
offender's
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to gravitate
show examples
gravitate
Wrong verb form
gravitating
show examples
 towards a proper direction.
Initially
, through many
rehabiltation
Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
 programmes provide for
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
show examples
 have the opportunity to experience
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
life
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politicians offer education and vocational
tranining
Correct your spelling
training
 to help criminals spend their time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 activities
such
 as making handmade
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
,
cultivating
Correct word choice
and cultivating
show examples
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
show examples
 have the chance to
joint
Correct your spelling
join
show examples
 in classes about teaching moral values,
human
Correct word choice
and human
show examples
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
.
Consequently
, they
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 knowledge and build the habit of preventing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 of lawlessness. In conclusion, the regulation about using
prison
 for criminals is the best method
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tackling incidents and developing the quality of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
.
This
 indicates that the
law
 plays a crucial part in ensuring a healthy community.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Make sure to discuss both views equally. It seems that you've focused more on the benefits of prison than on the potential of community service,
Try to use more specific examples to support your arguments. Specific examples can significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
Be consistent with the topic. The prompt asks for a discussion on prison vs. community service as a tactic for tackling crime, but your essay also touches on rehabilitation and education within prisons, which slightly deviates from the main discussion points.
Watch out for minor grammatical inaccuracies and spelling errors, as they can distract from your message. Consider reviewing your use of articles ('a,' 'the'), verb tenses, and plurals.
Try to provide a clearer distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While your structure is generally good, a clearer separation can help readers follow your argument more easily.
Structure
Your essay demonstrates a good level of logical structure and development throughout, which aids in the coherent presentation of your arguments.
Content
You've shown a good understanding of the topic and have presented comprehensive ideas on the subject.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarises the argument and reinforces your stance, which is effective in concluding the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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