The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year by year. While some people believe prison is the best way to tackle crime, others suggest that community service is more successful.” Discuss both views.

#people #prison #year #crime #community #service

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In contemporary society, there is a raising of individuals who take part in

criminial

Correct your spelling

criminal

activities annually. In

this

problem, some argue that the policy of

prison

plays a vital role in addressing crime,

while

others contend that the standard of

life

for the inhabitants is better.

To begin

with, the regulation about being offenders

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

prison

will lay the foundation for a sustainable community.

Firstly

this

policy

play

Verb problem

show examples

a punishment to chastise people who break the

law

It is clear that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

behin

Correct your spelling

behind

bars will help them realise

their

Change the word

the

show examples

serious consequences and

promote

Verb problem

move

show examples

forward

Change preposition

show examples

positive

Add an article

a positive

the positive

show examples

direction. One more reason is that receiving

prison

sentences for people who commit crimes is more effective

to express

Change preposition

in expressing

show examples

the power of

political

Add an article

the political

show examples

system. It is evident that policymakers can impose more severe punishments

Change preposition

for

show examples

their illegal activities.

For instance

, with serious crimes like murder, they will put into practice the

dealth

Correct your spelling

death

penalty for criminals. On the flip side,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education for

prison

life

will facilitate

offenders

Change noun form

offenders'

offender's

show examples

Fix the infinitive

to gravitate

show examples

gravitate

Wrong verb form

gravitating

show examples

towards a proper direction.

Initially

, through many

rehabiltation

Correct your spelling

rehabilitation

programmes provide for

law breakers

Correct your spelling

lawbreakers

show examples

have the opportunity to experience

the

Correct article usage

show examples

healthy

life

For example

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

politicians offer education and vocational

tranining

Correct your spelling

training

to help criminals spend their time

for

Change preposition

show examples

activities

such

as making handmade

craft

Fix the agreement mistake

crafts

show examples

cultivating

Correct word choice

and cultivating

show examples

vegetable

Fix the agreement mistake

vegetables

show examples

Furthermore

law breakers

Correct your spelling

lawbreakers

show examples

have the chance to

joint

Correct your spelling

join

show examples

in classes about teaching moral values,

human

Correct word choice

and human

show examples

right

Fix the agreement mistake

rights

show examples

Consequently

, they

instill

Change the spelling

instil

show examples

knowledge and build the habit of preventing

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

live

Replace the word

life

show examples

of lawlessness. In conclusion, the regulation about using

prison

for criminals is the best method

Change preposition

for

show examples

tackling incidents and developing the quality of

community

Add an article

the community

a community

show examples

This

indicates that the

law

plays a crucial part in ensuring a healthy community.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Sat Apr 06 2024

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Make sure to discuss both views equally. It seems that you've focused more on the benefits of prison than on the potential of community service,

Try to use more specific examples to support your arguments. Specific examples can significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Be consistent with the topic. The prompt asks for a discussion on prison vs. community service as a tactic for tackling crime, but your essay also touches on rehabilitation and education within prisons, which slightly deviates from the main discussion points.

Watch out for minor grammatical inaccuracies and spelling errors, as they can distract from your message. Consider reviewing your use of articles ('a,' 'the'), verb tenses, and plurals.

Try to provide a clearer distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While your structure is generally good, a clearer separation can help readers follow your argument more easily.

Structure

Your essay demonstrates a good level of logical structure and development throughout, which aids in the coherent presentation of your arguments.

Content

You've shown a good understanding of the topic and have presented comprehensive ideas on the subject.

Conclusion

Your conclusion succinctly summarises the argument and reinforces your stance, which is effective in concluding the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Deterrence
Retribution
Rehabilitation
Recidivism
Vocational training
Cost-effectiveness
Sentencing
Offenders
Justice system
Community integration

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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