Some people say that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
day and age, it is widely believed that the government should concentrate on diminishing environmental pollution and addressing housing Linking Words
issues
against illness and disease. Use synonyms
While
I agree with Linking Words
this
point of view, I think safe and nutritious food sources are a problem that authorities need to focus on.
On the one hand, environmental deterioration and housing problems are some of the reasons that lead to a variety of Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
affair
. Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
Firstly
, living in an environment contaminated by air contamination can have detrimental effects on respiratory Linking Words
health
. In big cities Use synonyms
such
as Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi, there is a large amount of emissions from factories, vehicles and dust from construction, which increases the levels of air pollution and the number of citizens suffering from respiratory matters. Linking Words
Besides
, living near the water sources polluted is Linking Words
also
at risk for numerous Linking Words
health
problems. Use synonyms
Secondly
, housing Linking Words
issues
, Use synonyms
such
as many generations living in cramped houses, and substandard living conditions create an environment for the spread of illness.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, what the community consumes on a daily basis Linking Words
also
has dramatic effects on well-being. Eating unhealthy and unsafe foods can lead to dangerous infections Linking Words
such
as liver failure, and kidney failure and weaken the immune system. Many families have the habit of not eating breakfast or eating junk food for breakfast, which leads to stomach problems, increasing their risk of developing cancer. Linking Words
Therefore
, Food safety management needs to be strengthened by the government and educating the public about the dangers of poor dietary habits.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
I acknowledge that environmental concerns and housing Linking Words
issues
have a direct impact on Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
issues
, I believe that addressing poor dietary habits and unhealthy lifestyles should be part of the government's proposal to society.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay thoroughly addresses the given task and provides a balanced view on the topic. However, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline the scope of your argument explicitly.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph succinctly addresses one main idea, and use more linking words or phrases to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion neatly wraps up the essay by summarizing your key points.
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Relevant examples, such as referencing specific cities, add depth and support to your arguments.