In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, obesity in
children
is considered one of the most controversial issues in some countries, which is mostly caused by consuming too much junk food
. There are many people who think banning fast food
from the school
canteen is the best solution to solve this
problem. I tend to agree with this
statement and in this
essay, I will support my view and example.
On one hand, banning fast food
at school
is the most reasonable solution to these issues, because the school
is the place considered an educational resource, and it should provide information how the impact of eating junk food
to
their Change preposition
on
health
and what can cause from
consuming unhealthy foods Change preposition
apply
such
as obesity, diabetes and heart disease. Moreover
, banning junk food
at School
does not just promote the child’s health
. But
Correct word choice
Also
also
, encouraging children
's health
awareness about how the impact of fast food
can lead to their health
problems help
them to understand how to choose healthy Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
food
in their daily life
.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
On the other hand
, the school
canteen is not the only place that should be controlled about children
's nutrition, the home and community also
should be cooperated
to promote healthy Wrong verb form
cooperate
food
to children
example some families whereas
parents clearly do not eat healthy food
. Even if children
cannot eat fast food
at school
, they are still able to eat unhealthy food
at home, therefore
obesity issues it still unsolved.
In conclusion, I agree that prohibiting the availability of unhealthy food
at schools and contributing to health
awareness about eating healthy food
at school
will help solve the problem. However
, I believe the responsibility of parents is also
one of the factors to help their child pick up appropriate food
habits to stay fit and healthy.Submitted by thundernarnia on
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Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the question prompt in your introduction for a stronger position statement.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples and evidence to strongly support your viewpoints, as this strengthens the argument and makes it more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the transition between paragraphs and ideas is smooth to aid the flow of your essay, making your argument easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on sentence variety and complexity to enhance the readability and engagement of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have clearly taken a position on the issue, as requested by the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively conclude your essay by summarizing your viewpoints.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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